Because I'm not a coward

There are no words for the kind of hate I feel for you right this second. I believed every word you said. I realize now that I lived by them. You, telling me I was pretty, sweet, kind, loving... I only listened because it was your voice telling me so. I hung on to every word, every breath.

Now I feel like swearing with every breath I take. I can just imagine you asking "Why?" You're famous for that aren't you? Questioning? You questioned every word I said, everything I did. Like you had any right at all to do so! You didn't!

Damn... I'm angry. 

*Takes a deep breath*
From wanting to see you, to hating the very sight of you. So, don't you dare talk to me. Don't even think about approaching me. I'll wear whatever I want to wear. It is of no concern of yours. It never was. Speaking of 'never was', WE were never friends. WE were never anything. There is and never will be a WE.

You're happy. You're in love. Great. I don't need to hear it. I was never jealous, nor did I ever want you to want me. You wanted me out of your own volition. Don't try to lie to yourself about that. There's so many sides to you, and I tried to love at least one of them. "Love your neighbour as you love yourself". I don't know how I'm ever gonna do that. I gave you the benefit of the doubt. You deserved none of it. You didn't deserve me, as whatever it is we were.

Lies...
I never lied to you. Wait, scrap that. I did. Remember how I told you I cried countless tears for you? I didn't. Not exactly. They were what I call internal tears. I wanted to just break down, but I didn't. After typing "We're done", I did. But it's not what you think.

I didn't cry because you didn't love me. I didn't cry because you didn't want me. I didn't cry because you didn't like me. Although all of the above could be up for negotiation. I cried because I was naive. I cried because I let my dignity fly out the window for you. I cried because, rather than let my brain do the talking, I let my heart win, not all the time, but sometimes. Last but not least, I cried because I realize now that if my family and friends were to know who I really was, the girl who got herself into this mess, I'd break their heart. And for that, my heart broke. I broke.

But I am stronger than you think. I will not let you touch me. I will not let you near me. I will not let you manipulate me anymore. I don't care who reads this. I don't care if you read this and feel whatever it is you cheaters feel. This is my blog. This is my right.

PS, I want you out of my life. PERMANENTLY.