Grow up Sam!

Who said you get to stay young forever? Look at me now, do I look like a kid to you? A child maybe? I am a sixteen-year-old girl learning to make the right decisions in life. I have to think so hard before making a move, but that doesn't mean I'm prone to mistakes either. Oh quite the contrary, I make mistakes like a dog chasing it's tail. Over and over again. I do learn though.... eventually;) Yikes! Am I really sixteen? Do you believe it? I guess it's better than being 21, though I was mistaken for that age just a couple of days ago. I'm not that tall people!! Neither do I look that old, I think:/

I guess I should thank God that there is no boy in my life to distract me further. Besides, it seems to be every teenage girl's nightmare. A boy they can't stop thinking about...etc. I like boys, don't get me wrong, but I feel like I'm always waiting. For the right one? I don't know. For anyone, maybe. Nah... I guess I do have pretty high standards when it comes down to it. Guard your heart or have it broken, right? Maybe I'm wrong. I don't know. Still growing up, remember? Sometimes I just wish I knew if there was someone special out there that was thinking about me, and that I could possibly like back too. Doesn't look like that's gonna happen anytime soon though. So as a teenage girl with hormones I can't seem to understand, I'm gonna wait patiently for my turn. Though this wait seems to be pretty long...

My studies. Boy, does that subject come up often. I'm actually thinking about college and it's not just cause I want to anymore, it's cause I have to! If you just so happen to be younger than I am, and you're reading this, don't think you have a lot of time! Trust me, I'm not one to give out any kind of advice but just when you think to yourself "I'm still young," you're gonna lose it! Decisions are inevitable. Just like growing up is inevitable. There is no time machine. There is no stopping time. I'm no math genius and I don't like numbers, but I know this for a fact. My brain often goes into overdrive. Do you know that I think for about an hour every night about absolutely anything and everything before I finally fall asleep? My slumber is very important to me, thank you. I love sleep.

I also love to dream when I sleep, even if it means that I'm not 100% asleep and I'd most probably still be tired in the morning, I love to dream. Though lately, my dreams have been nightmares, to me that is. They're not literally scary, but they are emotionally. If dreams are really supposed to mean something, I'm afraid to analyse any of the dreams I've been having. No, I'm not gonna tell you about it:P I just wanted to say that, don't be like me. I have taken my dreams seriously waaayyy too many times. That's what brings me to over-think everything. From my reality to my dreams. Combine those 2 together and you sure have a lot to think about! Sometimes, I think my over-thinking ways are driving me crazy. I'm pretty sure I'm just a little bit crazy already, but aren't we all.

Sometimes, I just have to learn to take deep breaths and think about nothing at all. Ahhhh, who am I kidding. My one way to not think about myself and everything I'm associated with is to read storybooks. I like to engross myself in someone else's life. And guess what? Storybook characters aren't real, so you really aren't harming anybody. Don't try this on any real people of course, that just makes you nosey. "Why don't you focus on your life," they say. "I would but I think it's driving me crazy," I (don't) say. So storybooks help me. Even if the romantic parts make me go awww and then I crave someone special by my side. I just have to deal with it.

Wow, that was a mouthful. I really do like having a blog and ranting all my thoughts onto it. Whether you read it or not, is your choice. *sighs*

This is Sam, saying "I'm growing up, deal with it!"

I'm a big girl now, aren't I, mummy?:)

Can't stand it

"It will blow over..." But it didn't. 

I'm trying to take deep breaths, but failing. Only little pants of air escape as I try every few seconds to get more air into my lungs. Cramps in my lower abdomen that only seem to be getting worse. Slowly increasing and spreading. My head hurts. "No! I must beat this!"

My legs are still moving. That's a good sign. But I don't think I can stand up much longer. "It really hurts, Papa!" I realize I can barely raise my voice to prove how much pain I'm in, but he seems to see it on my face. I imagine I look like some ghost whimpering in pain. He grabs hold of my hand and I squeeze it tight. He's holding on too.

By the time I reach the car, the feeling of vomiting is inevitable. My head's in total disarray. "Must bare it for another few more minutes." The pain has not lessen and I'm not sure I'm thinking straight anymore. There are so many thoughts running through my mind, so that means I'm still sane. "Oh no! Stop the car.."

Twice he has to do this for me, stop the car and watch people stare at me as I puke on the side of the road. Stupid long hair getting in the way. "Why doesn't the pain lessen now?" The cramps only get worse.

We're home. I rush to the toilet with whatever strength I have left. After though, the pain stays. I can't make it out. I sit there, outside the bathroom door, helpless and screaming. Someone hears me. Before I know it, I'm being laid down on the couch and sweat breaks our from every part of my body. I can't smell anything, but I'm sure I'm smelling pretty bad by now. "Aghh!!" The pain's till there. Anyway I twist my body, it stays. "Block it out!" I close my eyes and try and get some rest. My whole face is wet from my own sweat and there's a very unpleasant taste in my mouth. "No..." The voices around me start to fade. I can register them asking me questions, but I'm too weak to answer. 

This is not my death bed. I pray and pray and pray. A few hours later, I wake up feeling a little taken aback by my surroundings. A pail on my right, blankets all around me. "Is there pain?" I ask myself. "Papa.... Get me up." It's gone. I'm fine. I look up at my father and think to myself, "I needed you. You were there when I needed you. You do care." How blessed I am to have a Father who answers my prayers, and a father who watches over me and stays by my side while I suffer the weirdest moments of pain in my life. 

"Go dry clean your hair," he says. Now what does that mean? I'm better now. And I know I really need another shower, so here I go:)

Thanks for watching over me, mummy. I know you were here:)

It's only the beginning

"Hi, my name's Serena," she said with her hand stretched out.
"James," he said with a smile on his face. He took her hand with a firm handshake.
"Stop smiling at me," she took her hand back and folded her arms.

They knew who the other were, this was just a form of starting over. Something they thought was never possible...until now. They were friends, old friends. Hadn't seen each other since they were fifteen-years-old. What happened between them? Well, I'm about to tell you.

7 years earlier...

"I have to walk away," she said, her eyes never leaving his. 

"Don't! What more can I say to convince you?" he said, his voice almost breaking.

Taking his hands in hers, she took her last breath before saying the very last words she knew she was going to say to him, "We're so young, what we feel for each other now isn't enough for me to stay. I need to think of myself. I'm not old enough to think for the both of us. I'm speaking for myself now. I'm going."

Taking hold of her face with both his hands, he leaned in and kissed her. She kissed him back and before she knew it, he was the one having to pull away. Tears filled her eyes then, she backed away and quickly got into the taxi that was awaiting her. 

That was the last time James saw Serena. 

Serena left her boarding school in Australia to live with her parents again. She received word from her parents that her brother wasn't doing so well. You see, he had pneumonia. Pneumonia is a breathing condition in which there is infection of the lung. She had been back and forth to Malaysia to visit, but she always felt that it wasn't enough. After hearing this, she was determined to move back. And after breaking up with James, she did.

Now...

"How are you?" he asks.

Standing outside her office building, holding a cup of coffee in her hand and trying to block the sun from her eyes with her other hand, she tried looking at him then. Really look at him. 

"I....I...." she started to stutter. Why she suddenly couldn't think straight, she had no idea. 

He decided to try another approach.

"I visited your parents the other day. Monday, I think. They seem to be doing well. They told me where you were working and I couldn't believe it. Your dream of becoming a writer came true! Well, sort of that is."

"Yeah, I guess it did. You went to see my parents?" she asked a little astonished.

"It was no big deal, I just remembered how kind they were to me when we were kids, always inviting me over for meals. After hearing about David's passing, I felt like I had to. Can you believe after being childhood friends for so long, we ended up going to the same boarding school at about the same time. Well, you got the scholarship of course. My parents paid for a 'better education' for me," he said, thinking about the past with a smile on his face. 

A smile didn't appear on her face though. Instead, a frown took place. 

"I don't want to talk about the past," she said while thinking about the night she broke her first and last heart. 

Her brother didn't live much longer after her return to Malaysia, but she never left after that. She didn't care about her studies anymore, and she definitely didn't care enough to go back to Melbourne, Australia. She stayed and took care of her parents. Her parents didn't need the help, really. They were still young, being married at an early age and having David and Serena soon after. Serena always knew that she used her parents as an excuse. She never wanted to go through the prospect of facing James again. She managed to get a good job writing for the local newspaper after finishing her journalism course in a local college. But now her biggest fear and the one person she hurt in her life was standing in front of her...

James was quick on his feet and thought of a way to approach the now delicate situation. 

"Hello there," James said with a little too much enthusiasm. 

Serena didn't comprehend at first but then she saw the way he was looking at her, as if to say "Just go with it"

"Hi, my name's Serena," she said with her hand stretched out.
"James," he said with a smile on his face. He took her hand with a firm handshake.
"Stop smiling at me," she took her hand back and folded her arms.
She couldn't help but smile back, feeling his hand in hers had triggered something in her heart she couldn't quite explain.
James used one hand and put it to his mouth, as if he were about to tell her a secret.
"If you didn't know already, we're starting over. You don't know me and I don't know you," he whispered to her and despite herself, she giggled.
"I need to get back to work. I have a very important article to write about how some boys always know the right words to say," she said, hoping he would get the hint in her sarcasm.
"Not some boys, just one," he winked and watched her as she slowly backed away.
This time he knew that she wasn't backing away from him forever, that he would have the chance to see her again because in his head, all he could think was "I missed you."
Still feeling the imprint of his hand in hers, she thought the exact same thing.

Later that night at an unnamed restaurant...

"Here's to starting over" he said with his glass in hand.
"No, here's to new beginnings with amazing people," she smiled, knowing that this was the first genuine smile in a long time.
He tried to kiss her then, but she shook her head.
"We just met remember?" she said with a grin.
He was a little flustered but he knew that this was the only downside to starting over. He smiled and drank to her toast.

Who says people can't start over?;)

Silly Me

My life is great. Really, it is. I can't believe all these opportunities that are coming my way. It really is overwhelming. I keep telling myself to be grateful, don't over-thinking every little detail. But I can't help myself. To make a decision, I usually have to over-think it. I think that's why I've been having off and on headaches. 

I'm going to see a my doctor on Monday, tomorrow. Just for a usual check up. I think it's safer this way, especially seeing that I've been having headaches the past week. 

I have a busy week planned. Hehe:) I've really missed performing lately and I recently got the chance to, with a number of different people. I definitely miss Blueberry Cheesecake and I've told them so. Maybe they feel the same way? :/ Well, I can't wait to sing with Rayshell once again. We're teaming up with another blueberry, Andrew to do a special performance. Can't tell you what it's for yet though;) Another thing I get to do is perform for Father Simon's farewell on Saturday. This is the reason why I can't make it to the Planetshakers concert. I really was looking forward to it, but that decision has been made. I'm going to do something nice for Father Simon before he leaves, and I'm happy with that decision. I also have a chance to work with Sharleen from my church. She's been really nice to me and I can't wait to get to know her:) Last but not least, I just found out from my Blueberry Cheesecake page that there's a chance we could perform at Prom THIS YEAR!! Wouldn't that be amazing? We're still unsure if we have to pay the full price yet, (it's really expensive) but we'll find out soon enough. Click here to see what we're discussing with Dang about for prom 2011:)

I know I still have a lot of studying to do for Economics and maybe just a little bit of PJPK... And I will find the time, I'm just very excited to be singing and performing again. It's been a while, you know? Oh, and after the exams, I have this photoshoot with Rayshell and possibly the rest of Blueberry Cheesecake. For what? Fun of course;) We have some very vain blueberries, you know? Not that I'm speaking for myself of course. Heh;) 

So, it seems like decisions have been made and I'm happy with them. I just hope my brain will stop from going into overdrive right about now. I'm pretty sure I need the rest. I need another story for my blog too. Oh, and Annamalai, if you're reading this, I'm truly flattered that you enjoy my writings:) 

I've sort of run out of heartfelt stories for now, seeing that I was able to shut all thoughts about boys out of my head. But you know what? Not thinking about boys makes me dream about them more. Weird right? According to Yifen, not so much. I'm just glad that when I wake up, I don't have feelings for anyone. I only feel that way when I'm asleep, or half asleep that is. Silly dreams! Silly Me! 

I really need to get out of my head. My thoughts are seriously killing my brain cells. Boy, do I need a good nights rest. Then maybe, I can finally write another story here on my blog. Thanks to all those out there who actually read what I write. I feel absolutely honored that there are people like you reading my blog, so thanks:)

I need sleep, mummy:)

A girl's gotta grow up!

Now, tell me who that is in the mirror?

Sometimes, it is hard to recognize who it is I'm looking at when looking in the mirror. There's a different expression on her face every time. Turn back the clock, wasn't she just a little girl a few years ago?

Decisions. I've made many in my life. I just found out, a lot of those decisions were made by me, alone. I was always too eager to grow up. That makes me just like anybody else right? Well, I only learnt a couple of years ago that my decisions are not my own. They never have been. I am not my own. I belong to Him. God. His plan for me.

As a kid, I always wanted the last word. I always thought I knew what was best for me. My family didn't really control me either. I guess you can say I had just a little bit more free will than most kids my age. But that's just it. Now, I'm no longer a kid. I'm not a grown-up either. But I am at that age where decision-making is kinda mandatory. Too many questions, unanswered questions...

Personally, I feel like I've made my decisions. For the most recent years of my life, I've made many big decisions, with the help of God of course, but I've made them. I don't want to make them anymore. My friends are at that stage of their lives now, where they're excited and afraid at the same time because they have so many decisions they have to make. I feel the same way, but I know that I've felt all of this before. Way too many times in fact. So, I want to cut back on the decision-making, but that's not a choice for me, is it?

Now that it's just my dad, my sister and I, I have never felt more alone with my decision-making. My mother always had a great input in my life, and I know my extended family and friends are there for me too, but a girl needs her immediate family to have a view on her life, you know? It just feels like the years go by too fast for me. I'm sixteen now. Seventeen in exactly 5 months from now. You'd think I'd be good at making decisions by now....

My latest decision: I'm not ready. Well, I'm not entirely sure about that. I'm still praying about it. I know, 'Talk to God about your love life?' Yeah! He is the best listener around. Sometimes, I think my dreams are supposed to mean something, but the further away I get from falling in love, the more confusing my dreams get. What a hypothesis, right? (Sorry, just had my Science examination today:/)
I'm definitely keeping my distance. I'm not letting my feelings overrule my better judgement.

A wise friend once said, "always remember to think AND feel" - Amanda Chan:)

It's not that I'm not open to it, and for the record, I am still very young, but the thought of it is comforting and scary at the same time. I keep going back and forth on my view of this, but I can't help it.
My solution: Keep praying. God has all the answers:) He also has a great plan for me:)

Another wise friend just shared with me something from the Bible yesterday that I should have known a long time ago. But it's always great learning new things. Open your Bibles to John 15 and read I am the true vine. I read it again when I got home and used it as my devotion. This wise friend's name is Andrew Foong:)

I am truly blessed. Sometimes, I don't think I count my blessings often enough. I love my life. I really do. And all of this, is a confession of a teenage girl named, SAMANTHA KOH SIEW CHENG:)

I know I'm a big girl now mummy, but I'll always be your little girl:)

Haunted

"I am waiting for someone who will never come," she says to herself.

It's all in my head. I used my deepest of thoughts to make up something so utterly beautiful, it can never be true. I have known it all this time, still, I let it go on. What was I thinking?

"You weren't thinking," says a voice. 

No, I wasn't. 

I just want to go for it. I need you to go with me. I feel haunted. Haunted by this image I made of you. I can stare at nothing all day and have you with me in my mind. Sometimes, I can feel you holding my hand, whispering words into my ear. I'm haunted by my imagination of you.

You and I walked a fragile line, but both paces are slowing down now. Not to talk to each other, but to turn away from each other. My image of you is slowly fading, and with every raindrop, I feel a little part of you being washed away. You're disappearing ever so slowly, and all I can do is stare. I will wait until you're invisible. Until I can no longer see my image of you, but see you for who you really are.

"Enough is enough," she sighs.

What are you running from?

There she goes again. What is she running from? Her footsteps are always faster than everybody else's. It's like she's uncomfortable in her own skin, needing to be away from people. But these aren't just people. These people know who she is. They know a little bit of her past and a little bit of her present. The knowledge of that gets to her.

She can make out who it is that she passes. Only a few of them make recognition in her brain. The cute boy she once had a crush on, the most talkative boy in class, the girl who was once nice to her.... Then when she finally stops for a few seconds, she looks into a place she told herself she wouldn't.
"I think I saw him... Shoot!" She picks up her pace and runs again.

It may not seem like running to some people, she's just walking really fast, but she knows she's running. If you look at her expression closely, you'll see it too.

She could feel some of the eyes she saw earlier boring into her back.
"Who cares what they think?" she keeps telling herself.

It still comes as a shock to her when she's able to shed a tear. Sometimes, tears. She's ran at almost every situation. After telling someone goodbye, after a simple get together with family and friends. It's become her nature.

She's alone now. But it's not quiet. So many voices in her head, telling her what to do, what to feel, not to run... "
"What are you running from?" you ask.
Try asking "Who are you running from?"
She'll most probably look you in the eyes, hoping to look into your soul but not allowing you to look into hers and say, "You."

So, don't ask her stupid questions anymore. If you want to ask a question, ask the right one. She will give you an honest answer. She promises.

I wish I could run into your arms, mummy. They're hurting me. 

Bad move

Okay. So you know how I like posting up essays I've written in class or in my English exams? Yeah.... I can't do that this time. Here are my reasons:

1. The essay in itself wasn't a very interesting one. I think it's my most cliche/boring essay yet. I'm usually happy and content with the things I write, but not this time. 
2. I was having the flu throughout the examination. And guess what? It only happened during the exam. Before and after, "Nope, nothing wrong with me. I feel perfectly fine." What a situation to be in, don't you think? I used up 3 packets of tissue in total throughout Paper 1 and 2. I had it worse during Paper 1 by the way. And if you didn't know, Paper 1 is where I had to write my 2 essays. Booo....
3. I was a little frustrated when writing my essays. "Construction? Really? At this time? When I'm trying my hardest to finally achieve my very first A+, on my favourite subject, knowing my teacher most likely won't give me the marks I deserve no matter how hard I try? REALLY?!"
4. Inspiration? "Nada" I tried to think back on what Brenda Ueland said about inspiration, but I just couldn't. In the state I was in? I was surprised I actually finished the paper.
5. Lastly, and this is THE MOST important reason of all, I used real characters' names again. If you knew me well enough, you'd realize that I don't really like playing any other role in my essays other than myself. I'm always the teenage girl going through something. About the characters. The names I used were as real as can be. Real people in my life whose names I used to my advantage. I also didn't change who those names were. I had a fictional story with non-fictional characters. So, this essay just became very personal. I don't think I'd be able to let anybody but my closest friends read it. Unless I change all the names and rewrite it, but that wouldn't be original now would it?

I guess, I brought most of this upon myself. Especially on that last note. To make up for it, I promise to write down all my inspirations right here, after my exams of course;) I need to improve and practice makes progress right? ( I don't believe in perfection because only God is perfect, so practice for me, makes PROGRESS!) More stories to come from the girl who messed up her English Examination Paper.

I can do this, mummy!:)

You're Mine

With her hands in her pockets, she walks.... Taking in everything around her. The wind's blowing her long, wavy hair in all directions, but it doesn't bother her. The sun is hiding itself from her. Clouds are all she sees when she looks up. That doesn't matter either. She takes deep breaths with every step she takes, careful not to let unnecessary thoughts enter her mind.

"I'm doing this for me," she says to herself. "No one else..."

The weather doesn't look promising, but that is why she decided to go out in the first place. Brushing her hair away from her face, she hangs her head and says, "Is he coming for me? Because I know he loves me, but I just can't feel it."

She takes just a few more steps, and stops short in front of a soft patch of grass, spread out in front of her. She slowly collapses onto the grass and breaths even harder, "I can no longer live like this, he's suffocating me."
She lays back on the grass, unable to open her eyes any longer, she drifts off to sleep.

When she awakens, she can barely see anything. Blinking her eyes, trying to make out her surroundings... Then, she sees him. "What are you running from?" he asks quietly, just loud enough for her to hear.
"You. I'm running from you. Why did you come for me?"
Covering his face with both his hands, he sits down beside her on the grass. She sits up and bravely pushes herself a little closer to him. "I need you. I've always needed you," she whispers quietly to herself.

Apparently he heard her, because a few seconds later she hears him say, "You don't need someone like me in your life, trust me."

She gets up and starts to walk away. Just when her first tear touches her cheek, she feels a hand wrap around her arm. "No! I won't let you go. This ends here. I won't let you run anymore, especially from me."

"Say it, just say it..." she thinks to herself.

"You're mine. You're the only one for me. You will forever be a part of me, and no matter what my past says about me, I'm gonna try for the sake of us, to be a better man. Because I love you."

Turning herself to face him, with tears in her eyes, she says, "No more running..."
Wiping her tears with his thumb, then bringing her forehead to his, he says "No more running... Because you're mine, and I'm never letting you go again."



Yeah yeah. I like writing short stories like this. If I had the time, I would have a longer short story. And more than just a few, definitely! My inspiration comes from my dreams mostly, because my reality isn't that interesting. But sometimes, I like to add a little bit of my reality into my stories. I just have to wait and see what God's plan for me is. My thoughts and habit of over-thinking definitely helps my dreams be more interesting. Sometimes, it is a blessing to have inspirations like this one, but here's a quote about inspiration I'd like to share...

“I learned...that inspiration does not come like a bolt, nor is it kinetic, energetic striving, but it comes into us slowly and quietly and all the time, though we must regularly and every day give it a little chance to start flowing, prime it with a little solitude and idleness.” 
― Brenda Ueland


Has my writing improved, mummy?:)
This is also for you Thomas. 

I can't get over the way, your love stays the same Oh Lord

Can't Get Over You - Anthem Lights

I love the way You love like no other
It's got nothing to do with anything that I do
Time and time again You forgive me
So this time I choose to stay here with You


Hold me
Pull me just a little bit closer
I don't wanna lose this moment
Your love has covered me
And now I can't get over You
I can't get over You
I can't get over You
I just can't get over You

Here in the arms of my Father
Only grace can be found
So I lay my fears down
Nothing is the same anymore
You've changed me from the inside out
Now my heart is beating and it's singing won't You...


Hold me
Pull me just a little bit closer
I don't wanna lose this moment
Your love has covered me
And now I can't get over You
I can't get over You
I can't get over You
I just can't get over You

I can't get over You

I can't get over the way
Your love stays the same, oh Lord
I can't get over the way
Your love stays the same, oh Lord

Even through the good and the bad times
You stay the same
So my song will remain
Lord...

Hold me
Pull me just a little bit closer
I don't wanna lose this moment
Your love has covered me
And now I can't get over You
I can't get over You
I can't get over You
I just can't get over You

I can't get over You
I can't get over You
There's nothing I can't do
I just can't get over You

I can't get over You 

I really need it

I am currently researching home tuitions. For what subject? ACCOUNTS!! I just had my final exam today for accounts and I'm pretty sure I didn't do too well. I somehow knew what I had to do after though. I went up to my teacher and confessed. I told her that I would most likely fail the paper I just handed up. She looked doubtful at first, but after seeing her again after school in the teacher's lounge, I think she believed me. I asked her for help with looking for tuition teachers that could possibly help me. She tried, but nothing seemed to suit my already busy timetable. So, just before I left her, she suggested I try home tuition. I kinda liked that idea. She ended our conversation with "Saya rasa kamu bukan yang paling teruk la."

Yeah, I'm not the worst, but I'm not the best either. I can't even get an average mark, which is what I really need. I am an average academic student after all. I'm not giving up on this subject just yet!

I'm currently on www.hometuition99.com in search for a home tuition. It seems I am desperate and I could really use the help. I need it! I can't fail and give up so easily. It's not who I am, and definitely not who I want to become.

Back to my teacher(s). They have so much faith in me. Just looking at Puan Anis (My accounts teacher) and telling her that I'm about to fail her subject, just about broke me. I hate letting my teachers down. They voted me Murid Berwibawa for goodness sake! Did I mention my history teacher was sitting right there in front of Puan Anis and I? She was wondering why I looked so different. Most probably because I was wearing the look of 'failure', 'fear', 'shame' on my face. She just said I looked red. If only she knew she was the next teacher I'm about to disappoint. I am no good at History, Puan Zihan:( But I already have tuition for that so I just have to work harder...

SO FRUSTRATING!! I really want to look back at this and smile and ask myself why I worried so much or cared so much, but right now, I'm living this reality and there's no getting out of it. Just go with it, SAM!

All I know is, I can't forget the most important things in my life. Eg, My family, friends and the love they have for me. And let's not forget God who is still by my side no matter how lazy I've been and no matter how many times I seem to fail Him. His love carried me through it all:)

And Mummy, you're up there watching over me, just like you told me you would. I know you're there, you're always there:)

Say You Like Me

The simple story of boy and girl. What is the story though? Please tell me. Since you're not saying anything significant, I'm going to go ahead and tell my story. 

She finally does it. She's brave enough to say something. To basically talk to him. She second-guesses herself, but only for a little while. Then, she goes ahead and does it. She talks to him. She makes the first move, but all the while, she's unsure of what she wants. So, she starts a friendship. 'The Friendship' that would throw all sorts of unexpected turns at her, or maybe, just her heart.
"I Like You"
That's all she can think about when she's having a simple conversation with him. Looking up at him, and into those eyes that mesmerize her beyond comprehension.

Is he hinting something? How is she supposed to know? She has about as much experience as a ten-year-old girl with a crush.
"I started this," she says to herself. "Would he actually continue it?"
"What is he thinking about?" she will never know, unless he says something.
She has so many doubts and she's brought all of them upon herself. I think she's looking to him for answers. Not all the answers. Just some. Give her some...

I think this song sums up my simple boy-girl story. Sometimes, I feel like I'm the boy in the story, but I know that I'm not and never will be. I'm the girl. The girl that keeps hoping and wishing on shooting stars, birthday candles.



"Say You Like Me"

If you like me, then say you like me.
I won't give up if you don't.



What do you think, mummy?

Thinking about the future

Again. I'm thinking about the future again. Little things that happen keep putting me off. How can I think about the future when I can't even get past right now? For instance, my exams. I have so much to think about already, why do I have to put unnecessary thoughts into my head?

I have fallen in love with some of these paintings by Thomas Kinkade. There's a shop in Bangsar Village that sells only his paintings and puzzles made with his paintings. All the paintings are no doubt beautiful. Breathtaking. I know what you're thinking, what do I know about paintings right? Well, I'd like to think of myself as an Arts person. I'm definitely not into numbers and all that. So here's a little something I'd like to share:)

Here are some of the DISNEY pieces. Pretty huh?:)

This Peter Pan one is a personal favourite of mine. I just love the story of Peter Pan. One of my favourite songs is from the 2nd Peter Pan movie. "I'll Try"

You know what I thought about when I saw these paintings? When I walked into this particular shop? I was thinking of how I would love to see one of these paintings in my house. This cozy house I imagine I have in the future, with my family. Then, I imagine my husband and kids in that house. And my thoughts go on from there. 

I bet I'll scare off every guy I ever date if I keep talking like this. This just means I have to try harder to find that one man that's right for me;) Hopefully, he isn't too far away...

I need a break from all this thinking, but I just can't help myself. See this picture? This is what I think about when I look at this picture...

The Future. It's in your reach. Just keep driving. Keep going. I won't give up until all my dreams come true. My life is not going to be short-lived. I'll achieve everything I desire by God's grace. My career, and most importantly, that family I long for. For one thing, I know that my husband is going to be worth the wait because I will never sell myself short. I am deserving:)



I wish you could be part of my life in the future mum. But knowing that you're looking out for me from above is enough:) Help me make the right decisions, okay mum?