Thy will be done

Looking back, reminiscing about all the memories I've made. It wasn't a bad year. Nope, not a bad year at all. 

Pictures of him, pictures of her, pictures of them, pictures of us, pictures of you, pictures of me. 

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't afraid of what's to come. My feelings get so messed up sometimes, I'm not quite sure where my brain fits into every situation. Having to not only feel, but to be smart about your feelings at the same time is a difficult task to master. I have a feeling nobody ever really perfects doing so. Then, why do I have to?

I could so easily be succumb to peer pressure and life's little temptations. I could forget thinking at all and do what I feel. But that's not what I'm doing, is it? It's not what would please my God. I will always have troubles, too much to think about. My family will stress me out, my friends may not always understand what I'm going through, the boy I like could get on my last nerve.... But these are not the setbacks that are going to stop me from living my life. The life God has so graciously blessed me with. I can be thankful for many things, but being thankful for my life, sums up almost everything, because guess what? My family and friends are my life. He is my life, because He gave me life.

We shall overcome

More gifts like you

ALYCIA TAN WEI WENN

NICHOLAS HOR ENG WENG

HEIDY QUAH

SEAN LOW SHAN-ANN

BRENDA CHIN HUEY ZIEN

BRANDON TAN KWANG SHEN

CHAI TZE KWANG

ANDREW FOONG YUE KWANG

AMANDA CHAN POH EAN

LIM YI FEN

ONN BOON KUAN

RAYSHELL WONG RUI ENN

TAN YI QIAN

HAZEL ONG

LEE HAN JIANG

CHRISTOPHER TAN

This 16 gifts are in no particular order. Maybe in the order of old pictures to new. Heh ;) I'm sorry I don't really have time to explain each and every friendship but trust me that each and every one of the friends you see up there, are a treasure to me. And if these friendships last like I know they will, this won't be the last you see of my Christmas gifts :) MERRY CHRISTMAS everyone!! God bless and I love you all! :D

Lost in the lights

My head is clearer now. Having overprotective friends, watching my back twenty-four/seven. Whenever I'm in danger of doing something stupid, something impulsive, they're always there to talk some sense into me. I know, what's life without mistakes right? But what if there were some mistakes you could avoid? Some really big regrets you could avoid having? 

"Half of my heart has a grip on the situation"

"What do you mean by you're attracted to him?"

She was lost in the magic of it all. The stolen moments they shared. No, it wasn't like that. What they did together... Planning charity projects together, sharing family secrets, stressing out together to make sure each plan turned out perfect, sharing a cup of water out of exhaustion, admiring the less fortunate and being grateful together. How blessed they were. Learning to appreciate the little things they had. 

"Is he a good influence on you?"

There seems to be two sides to everyone. There is no exception to him. On one hand, he is the one that took his responsibilities seriously. He cared about everyone and everything around him. He showed kindness and patience. On the other hand, he sometimes hung out with the wrong friends. Not showing patience to everyone like she thought he did. He has a haunted past, that he may not regret, but may not be proud of either. 

Colossians 3:18-25

18Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.

19Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.

20Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.

21Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged.

22Slaves, obey your earthly masters in everything; and do it, not only when their eye is on you and to win their favor, but with sincerity of heart and reverence for the Lord. 23Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, 24since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving. 25Anyone who does wrong will be repaid for his wrong, and there is no favoritism.

Ephesians 5:22-33

22Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. 23For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

25Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26to make her holy, cleansing^b her by the washing with water through the word, 27and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church— 30for we are members of his body. 31“For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”^c 32This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church.33However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.


1 Corinthians 7:1-7

1Now for the matters you wrote about: It is good for a man not to marry.^a 2But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband. 3The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife.5Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 6I say this as a concession, not as a command. 7I wish that all men were as I am. But each man has his own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that.

This is what I've been reading for the past few nights for my own personal devotions. Praying about it too. To know what God wants from me, in a relationship between man and woman. What a marriage is supposed to be. I can only be with someone if I know there's a chance I'm going to marry him someday. If he learns about this someday, and understands it, then I'll believe him and take a chance. Give him a piece of my heart. But for right now, I'm no longer lost in the pretty lights. Yes, the atmosphere around us may seem like a fairytale sometimes, but he and I both need to grow separately before coming together. When I see him, I'll have all this in mind. Mistletoes and magic won't blur my mind anymore. And I owe a little thanks to the friends who keep me grounded and the Lord that gave me everything, including these overprotective friends. 

Magic and mistletoe

As an ordinary girl, she dreams of having super powers. What kind of super powers? To read minds maybe? To understand how a guy's mind works? To make a guy love her.

Love Potions

Ever heard of them? Some girls find magic in the way a guy looks at her. Magic in the way the guy she likes, likes her back too, and isn't afraid to tell her. Express his love for her.

She's the girl still concocting love potions. I think it's safe to say, she hasn't experienced her super powers yet. But she has them, she just hasn't used them yet. The power to just let it happen. Let God's plan take it's course. Who needs a love potion?

Trust in Him. In His plan. She's falling for a guy who seems to be all wrong for her. But there seems to be some chemistry and being almost Christmas, if there was a mistletoe... Who knows ;) Nahh, I'm just kidding.

A little Christmas magic? Is that what she's waiting for? Or is it just him she's waiting for? Why can't he see? She feels something. But it's not all about how you feel. How about what you know? Your brain plays a part too, you know? If only she had the courage to risk their friendship and go for it, but she's not going down that path it seems.

"God, show me the way. Light the path you want me to walk on."

Productivity

I should really busy myself with things more productive. And that's exactly what I'm going to do! I realize when I do so, no UNproductive thoughts can enter my mind. But how often do I do anything productive? Silly, silly thoughts. Silly, silly me. I guess I am your average teenage girl. Or maybe, not so average.... ;)

Now, why can't I do that with my thoughts? Release them like those millions of balloons being released around the Eiffel Tower. What am I saying? It's not like my thoughts are as pretty as those pink balloons. Neither is the scenery around me as legendary as the Eiffel Tower. Productivity, that's what I need. Hmmm... Tell me again why my brain functions so  uncontrollably? 

Someone has got to make a move. I'm stalling, you're stalling. It seems like everyone's stalling. I 'dare you to move!' Like, now. Beautiful song, this one. :) I'm done speaking now. 

Mom, help me move, okay? :)

Signs

She was looking for signs. She was analyzing some signs. She was over-thinking his signs. Then she remembered, waiting for his signs is like waiting for rain in this drought. He may be a waste of her time. But she uses the word 'may' heavily. Her attraction to him may be uncanny but it happened. She got hooked. 

He's not coming after her. Another good reason to let this whole infatuation thing go. After all, their time together seems to be over. Over and done with. This was no summer romance. This was a summer crush. That's all it was, until somebody speaks up and voices out their feelings. If he's not going to, and she's not going to, then it is over. 

A friend like you

So, I come back home from another long day and have so many ideas for my blog. But all those 'ideas' go out the window when 3 conversations pop up on my Facebook page. 3 very different conversations. 3 very different friends. 3 solid reasons to have faith in miracles. 3 gifts from God. 

Gift No. 1

Rayshell Wong Rui En

"I can't find anyone else that understands me the way you do. We're so different, yet so alike. You light up my day with your contagious laughter, your uncontrollable hype and silliness. On the other hand, you warm my heart with your words of reassurance, your patience, and most of all, your love. I can tell you anything under any circumstance. Even when my sentences are all jumbled up and I go on and on about my troubles and confused thoughts, you hear me out till the end. To top it all off, you know the words to say that speak right to my heart. You make sense of everything in my world, and I can't understand how I do the same for you as you've said. I will cherish your love and friendship always. I truly love you and you're better than any Christmas gift I've ever gotten."

Gift No. 2

Lim Yi Fen

"My beautiful friend. What some people don't see, is the beauty inside of you. You've been misunderstood a few times and I'm sorry if I haven't always been there for you. You shine with positive energy and you also have the patience I long to have. You hide your feelings often a little too well, and I wish you'd share more with me. I'm not a friend that'll last many years, I'm your friend that will last forever. I'm forever and always here. Remember that. Get that into your head, because well, you've found your way into my heart and I'm not letting you go! I love you Fen and don't ever think I'll leave you alone, ever."

Gift No. 3

Andrew Foong Yue Kwang

"You're a very special gift. A very precious gift to be exact. Our friendship has always come easy, but that doesn't mean that we didn't have our ups and downs. We had ups and downs I didn't even know could go up and down. But you handled it with such grace only a real man can possess. You're not just the nerd, you're not just the fast-learning guitar player, you're not just the add math genius... You're the nerd who can comfort me, the guitar player who can teach me, and the genius who can love me. You're a friend like I've never had. No one else is like you and your new found confidence makes me proud. To watch you grow makes me proud. I will always look up to you, not only cause you're taller than me, but because I have so much to learn from you. I really do love you and calling you my friend, is the biggest honor of all."

If you think these are the only 3 gifts God has given me in my 16 years of life, you are very wrong. I have so much more to be thankful for. So many more amazing people in my life that I'd trust with anything secret I have. How can I trust so many with my secrets? Well, let's just say that while everyone is unique and beautiful in their own way, my friends, to me, are unique and beautiful in a way that gives them the ownership of a little piece of my heart. Always and forever. So while they have my heart, why not let them have my secrets too? I trust them, I truly do. These 3 gifts are the first of many gifts I wanna share with the rest of the world. Because, why should I be so blessed with these people and not show them off to the rest of the world? (Well, the rest of the world that visits my blog that is;))

I do have a lot of love to give, but my love doesn't go out easily either. Although these friends make it easy for me to love them, our friendships weren't always perfect. Another thing about me that may come shocking to you is that, I do have trust issues. But with all this love around me, how can I not learn how to trust? I am still learning to trust because I believe there are more people out there that need to be given a chance. A chance to be trusted. A chance to be loved, and a chance to love back.

God has truly been great to me. Blessing me with gifts this grand. And it's not even Christmas yet! The biggest thing he did for me isn't this though. Remember the true meaning of Christmas? Christ before Christmas. It's not gifts we're celebrating, it's our Lord Jesus Christ's birth we're celebrating. How great is our God to give us an example like Jesus? To give us His Son.

Please open your eyes this Christmas. Look out for the real gifts in your life, just like the gifts I hold dear to my heart. I would like to share many more of my blessings with you, but this is all from me for now. I'll share more later;)

Mommy, you were a gift to me too. You will always be the greatest mommy to me. And I'm happy I got to be a gift to you too. On the 20th of March 1995, you saw me as a blessing. Well mommy, I see you as a blessing too! :) I know you're with Him now, and I know you're watching over me. Thanks again mommy!

Do opposites attract?

She grew up with her stepmother, a stepsister to boot. I know, sounds a little Cinderella story-ish right? She also grew up without a dad most of her life. Lost him in an accident. But she lived the easy life. She had relatives, family and friends. They had love to offer her. So, she had the complicated, but good life.

On the other hand...

He grew up with both parents. A little brother too. A normal life right? He was always left alone. Learnt most of his lessons by first making a lot of mistakes. Mixed with some bad company, doing one too many experiments. So, he had the simple, but hard life.

What do you think happened when these two individuals crossed paths? Do you think it was easy for them to connect? 100% NO! They're still on separate journeys, but they acknowledge each others' existence. Do opposites like them really attract? Please give me your opinions. Leave a comment. Tell me on facebook, tell me through email. Tell me in person. Because I really want to know.




Like two hearts set on the same branch by accident. Where do they go now?

I wrote the song

I'm the girl. I wrote the song. Honestly, I think you deserve it. No matter what others might say. One verse, one chorus. That's all it takes to try and make you understand.

Take My Hand

He's so far from perfect, he has countless flaws

But when I look in his eyes, I can see so much more

That small town boy who lived no easy life

Made some bad choices and got into some fights

But I can see past his defenses

And I wanna tear down all his walls

Take my hand and I'll give you a chance

I promise not to judge you by your past

Time is short and we are scarred and flawed

Nothing ever turns out like you planned

Just take my hand because I'm giving you a chance

Resist temptation

"I want to hold your hand"

You say NO!!

Steve has more experience than Nancy will ever admit, but she can't help herself and her dreams. In her dream, she holds his hand. She's the foolish one. She's the one feeling too much.

Walk away!

"Wait for him to tell you first. You don't even know that he likes you yet." If only I could get those words into Nancy's thick skull. How do you not get involved?

Explain to me how Nancy can suddenly feel so much for a boy who's just her friend? A boy who she's currently working with? Maybe when they're done working together, thoughts and dreams of him will stop. Hopefully... 

They're story seems longer than expected. But I'll tell you one thing. By next week, the story might end. Hmmm... What do you think?

Assumptions

How many people have assumed the wrong things? Misinterpreted words, actions.
"Let me guess who you like. xxxxxxxx :D"
"I don't think so :/"
"Okay, don't tell me. But I think you guys should date. You'd be so cute together. Honestly, I think he likes you."

Don't listen to her...
If she didn't listen to her and take her words to heart, then why did she have such a vivid dream of him last night? That's because she did listen. And she thought about it all night long, up to the very next day. Until now, she still can't get that dream out of her head. People say that when you dream vividly about someone, that means that someone is thinking about you. She doesn't believe that. Or does she?

***

"I just lost my first kiss to you"
What a dream that was. Sometimes, it is really dangerous to be a dreamer.

***

"Just wait it out, no more assumptions. They only end in disaster."
But in the meantime, if her brain goes into overdrive because of her assumptions, I guess that's something she just can't help. To stop thinking altogether would be a really nice solution, but that doesn't happen every day does it? Especially when she's not the only one assuming, there are others out there doing the same. 'Others' she calls her friends.


And so, Steve and Nancy's story continues...

It's good to be home

Could it be?
"I'm not dreaming again, am I?"
Everything was so beautiful. The laughter. The joy. The people. Wonderful people. She felt herself catch her breath. Realizing that this really was her reality. She wouldn't ask for someone else's life ever again. Her own was perfect.

So what if her heart was broken before? If she cried tears of frustration and anger? If she made mistakes that she learnt from the hard way? She was here. Right here, right now. She was just glad to be home.
"I love my life. Thank you God!"

Last call

Don't say she didn't warn you. She's taking off soon and you may not see her for a long, long time. She feels as light as a feather when she thinks about flying to a new country. But her heart's as heavy as ever when she thinks about leaving you behind. Especially knowing she tried her best to show you how she really feels about you. She thought you may have had some kind of clue, but it turns out, you don't.

You'd think she was tired of his face by now. But, she's not. He warms her heart so. Just a glance, just a word, just his voice. Hmmm...  An unexpected call or reply would do. She feels a little silly right about now, but what is a girl of her age to do? 16. Young. Foolish.

Will she remember him when she returns home? I think so. Will he remember her? I don't know. Their story's not over. As the author of it, I have a feeling there's more to come. Just wait on it. I really want to know how Nancy and Steve's story turns out. Hopefully it doesn't hang in midair like some of my other characters. I'll just have to wait it out like the rest of you ;)

I just couldn't help myself but to post one more post before I take off. Waiting for my dad to finish breakfast so we can go. Hehe. I'll find more to blog about when I get back. I am really going to miss this. See you! Bye! :)

Mummy, come with me...

To a land far far away

I have to take another break from blogging. Nooooo!!! Haha:D I really do love the freedom to write, speak my mind. Guess where I'm going tomorrow? I'll give you a hint. It rhymes with King Kong. Well, not really. Hehe:) Hong Kong, get ready to have me grace your land!! I am so full of myself sometimes ;)

I'll be back on the 10th and hopefully be inspired enough to blog about something interesting. I actually have something really eye-opening I wish to share with all my dedicated readers, I just don't have the time to blog about it tonight. So, I'll tell you in brief. My church and I did this PIHD program where we had to visit many poor people's homes and interview them. The interviews were mainly about their living situations and we learnt a lot by just listening to these people's stories. Do you understand how fortunate you are? Do you ever count your blessings? Thank God for your life for that matter? I could have cried if I let myself, but I didn't.

This first home we visited was in a very kampung area. It wasn't pretty to say the least.

These are the 3 boys who inspired me the most. Their smile made my day. 6, 8 and 12.

They have a 17-year old brother who's determined on becoming an accountant. The 8-year-old on my left also wants to become and accountant. But the 6 and 12-year-old said they want to become 'polis'

I have a different idea for the 12-year-old though. When I was sitting with him, he said this to me 

"I can draw lotus" and he went on to draw me a beautiful picture of a lotus. I know I'm being a bit unfair to the other boys but I truly loved his drawing the best. He knew his way around the color-pencil. He knew how to shade from dark to light and even outline his drawing. I don't know why, but that showed me that God works in mysterious ways. By giving him a gift that I hope he pursues in the future, no matter what obstacle he and his family are facing at the moment. Oh, he also confessed to Acing art in school ;) Of course he Aced Art!

G.Jayaraj

You're going to be famous someday;)

Despite language barriers, hours of driving around Sentul and tireless interviewing, this truly was an eye-opener for me. And I hope it was for you too. I think everyone should experience what I experienced today, and really stop taking God's blessings for granted. Ps, don't forget to pray for these wonderful people okay? 

I'll see you readers when I get back. Pray for journey mercies and that I don't fall sick this time around. See you in 6 days!

Be with us, mummy! It won't be any fun without you...

Quoting Peter Pan

Oh, how I love Peter Pan :)

Never say goodbye,

because saying goodbye means going away. 

And going away means forgetting. 

Who is he?

"So close, yet so far" To quote a song feels like a cliche right now. It's like waiting for that final domino piece to fall. Waiting. A thousand years of conversation wouldn't be enough for the two of them. She's finally brave enough to look him in the eye, and she sees everything that he is. Beautiful.

Walking side by side. It just felt so right to her. "Just take one step closer"
She can imagine herself in his arms. She took a nap this afternoon, and he came to her in a dream.
Nothing happened in her dream, he was just her friend, just like he is now in reality. Maybe, that's just it.

He's a friend :)

Wondering

"It's just you and me again"
If only he knew what those few words did to her. How many times has she had to hide her facial expressions? The ones that would give away all her thoughts?

"Let him be calling because he wants to hear my voice"
What is she thinking? They work together, nothing more. It's all business. Casual business talk.

She feels like a little girl again. That 7-year-old girl who had a crush on the boy next door. The boy she longed to have play dates with. She would've tried any game he'd wanted to play. Baseball, basketball, football... But she wasn't a tomboy. How do you expect a 7-year-old boy to reciprocate the same feelings? You don't.

That's how she feels now too. Even at 21. Always wondering what his thoughts are. There are so many beautiful women in this world. What would make her the exception to this man? To any man for that matter...

"Don't worry, everything will work out according to His plan"

"Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires" -Songs of songs 8:4b

The Bible is the answer. It's God's love letters to you. Listen and understand His plan :)

Stay with me, Lord

In the shadows, I am waiting

For a whisper, a sound of movement

Listening intently for Your voice

Carry me through fears and scares

Vulnerable, is all I am

My body stills as I watch time pass

But I am not alone

Your arms around my shoulders

I can really feel Your presence

Surrounding me

Take Your time here

You're always welcomed
I want to hear every word You have to say

Stay with me

Please stay with me, Lord

A glimpse of simplicity

It would be so easy. A life with him. Everything always seemed like a challenge for her. Every decision in her life had been a hard one. But tonight, she caught a glimpse of what it would be like to have a little simplicity in her life. 

"Huh?" 

Ten feet away from her, a familiar face was looking her way. They were both about to look away when they realized something. They knew each other! 

"What?"

She wasn't wearing her most comfortable jeans, and her blouse was a little too tight for her liking, but she didn't think she'd have to care, until she realized she had to talk to him. It wasn't like she had to, but why wouldn't she? He was her friend after all. Conversation was so easy with him. Every time she thought they were on the brink of awkwardness and would have nothing else to talk about, well, they'd find something to talk about. He said a lot of things, but she barely processed anything he said. She was too caught up in her own thoughts. "We're actually having a conversation. A now, 20 minute conversation. How did that happen?" 

No, people did not consider this boy good looking. But he was friendly, and charming. When she looked him in the eye, which was not very often as she would start to blush, she didn't see the prettiest eyes. She saw sincerity. She saw kindness. She also saw insecurity. She saw shame. She'd give anything to know him better. Spend more time with him. She wanted their conversation to last forever. Inside, she kept hoping that God will send someone like him to her one day. A boy like him would grow up to be an honorable man. She didn't know how she came to that conclusion, she just knew. The boy that stood in front of her an hour earlier may not be the boy of her dreams, but he was a boy worth her time. 

He made her want to stop time. He made her want to read minds. He made her feel something. She knew they would spend more time together in the future, she just didn't know if they'd have any time alone like they did tonight. A very coincidental night. Only time will tell. Only God will know. 

For now, he's the boy that made her 1st of December 2011 an interesting one. Not magical, not amazing, just interesting. He gave her a glimpse of simplicity:)

I'm hearing everything you're not saying

I'm not dumb. I know when something's being hidden from me. Some emotion especially. I also know when someone's frustrated at me and doesn't want to show it. You don't know me well enough yet, but apologizing and taking the blame is what I do best. I should really be getting on your nerves by now. Nope, not another apology here. To try and face the immature behavior of this earth is beyond my comprehension.

As I say this, not everything is on my shoulders. There are other people suffering because of the inconsideration of others. I am thinking about the well-being of these people, which includes just about everyone, because I am learning to love these new brothers and sisters in Christ I'm getting to know. They deserve better, don't you think?

I stepped up and did my best. I was hoping you'd be my partner and do the same. So now, I'm stuck with my own thoughts. I'm hearing everything you're not saying because that's just how my brain works. Yeah, I over-think stuff, but that's only because I care.

I will not let my frustration get the better of me. Maybe you will, but I won't. I stepped up. Now, I'm going to try and be the bigger person. Anyway, I should let you in on a little secret. I'm not carrying all this weight on my own. Guess who's helping me? My God. My most gracious and awesome God. If you won't help me, He will. He always has been. I pray you will come around soon, cause guess what? We still have a lot on our plates and we most likely have to do it together.

Ps, I can sometimes read minds too. Just remember, I hear EVERYTHING you're not saying;)