I am a 26 year old woman and my husband is mute. He hears me, but he doesn't speak. He wasn't always like this. Not when we first met, not when we first confessed our love for each other, and definitely not on our wedding day. This is our story.
"You have to stop answering back to your parents like that! What if God decided to take away your ability to speak because of your lack of respect for your parents?"
I remember saying those exact words to John. I didn't know then how much those words would come back and haunt me. John and I had a pretty ordinary relationship. Our love story isn't some extravagant fairytale, but a normal one. We met through mutual friends, found that we had chemistry and proceeded to being a couple. It didn't take us long to fall in love. We were only 17 years old.
No one really thought we'd last, but our close friends did. They could see by the way we were together. John and I made a decision early on that we were going to further our studies locally. After graduating high school, that's exactly what we did. He got his degree in Mass Communication and I got my degree in Teaching. 6 months after graduating college, we were engaged.
"I vow to love your every flaw, your every imperfection and all your bad habits. It won't be hard because there is nothing about you I can't love. Nothing." That was John's vow to me. I called it the "nothing vow". When people heard this, they never understood. It was an inside joke for just the both of us, and he stayed true to those words.
Our marriage was not a happily ever after one. We had our fights and disagreements, but it never took us long to get pass them. It was all about give and take for us. The one fight that did get me worried was a fight to remember. I was pregnant. The day I chose to tell John, was the day he got cut from work. It was all very bad timing. His ego got the best of him because instead of feeling any joy, he broke down in anger. At the time, his immediate response was to feel shame that he could no longer provide for the family.
"Everything will be fine. I'm only 3 months into the pregnancy and you will find another job by the time the baby arrives," I said, trying my best to comfort John, but he wouldn't relent. He continued pacing the floor, clearly still angry at.... I wasn't sure who he was angry at actually. His boss? Himself? Me? His worries were valid though. Life would be tougher with him unemployed. We were supporting ourselves with no help from either one of our parents. I worked as a Primary School teacher, it doesn't exactly pay much but it's what I love to do. I was silently praying that John would come around soon, and sure enough, God answered my prayer. John came to me then, put one arm around me and I could tell he had calmed down immensely. He put one hand on my belly and used the other to cup my face. Turning me to face him, I looked deep into his light brown eyes while he said nothing. This behavior of his wasn't uncanny. He did this to remind me of our "nothing vow". His eyes told me he loved me, he never had to say anything else.
"I'm going back to the office to pack up my stuff. I'll be back in time for dinner. Love you both," he stared at me and then my belly. Ten minutes later, I got a call from the hospital. The first words out of the nurses's mouth were, "I'm sorry mam, but your husband has been in a car accident. Please..." I hung up after that, got into my car and drove as fast as I could to the local hospital where they would've no doubt taken him. Everything was a blur after I arrived at the hospital. I remember talking to some doctor. I remember sleeping 90% of the time in the waiting room, not able to bring myself to go home. By the time the doctor came out with news about John, I was wide awake.
"Your husband suffered a severe head injury to the Broca's area of his brain. This would affect his speech, and there's no guarantee he will ever speak again."
I'm pretty sure the doctor had said more words, trying to comfort me and so on, but I didn't register any of them. All I could do was think back to John's voice then. That beautiful tone of voice that had become a little piece of heaven to me. The voice that sometimes sang to me and would've no doubt sang to our baby. The voice that said these words to me on my wedding day, "There is nothing about you I can't love".
Aphasia. That's the so called inability my husband has. The doctors told me that I'm lucky he still has his ability to read and write, some patients with Aphasia don't. I did not feel lucky. I felt numb.
Today, I stand by my husband's side, always doing all the talking. He just nods and shakes his head now. I hear nothing come out from his mouth. Absolutely nothing. I catch myself watching him sleep in the middle of the night, willing him to wake up and say something to me, anything, but all I hear is nothing. He no longer recites our "nothing vow" to me. I get frustrated sometimes and take my anger out on everyone around me. I know it's not his fault he no longer speaks. For all I know, God planned it this way. I think we both took the opportunity to strengthen our faith after this experience. It was necessary. There is still one moment John and I still share that the accident couldn't take away from us. The moment John puts his hand on my now 8 month pregnant belly and holds my face in his hand. When he looks deep into my eyes and says nothing. Right then is when I know he loves me. He's telling me he loves and our baby boy his beautiful eyes. Nothing more is needed.
