Love That Was Lost

          "No, I don't believe you! You love me. You said you loved me and would always be there for me at my time of need. Now you say you have another girlfriend? No! No! No!" Sandra woke up from yet another nightmare. "What is wrong with me? Arnold is my best friend. He reminds me of our unbreakable friendship every day. Our friendship that grew beyond imaginable fantasies".

          Sandra was a fourteen-year-old girl. Having inherited her mother's beauty and sense of humour, along with her father's hypnotizing smile and brains, she was a girl many would call 'perfect', 'one in a million'. When people looked at Sandra, their first thought was "Here is another pretty, naive little girl that has yet to experience how tough life can really be". Most people never thought much of her, except the boys who were always captivated by her beauty and unique personality. No one knew just how mature this young girl really was. Without anybody's knowledge, not even her closest friends', she kept a painful secret that forced her to lie about her happiness, her true feelings that she kept hidden deep inside her heart. That all changed when she met Arnold. A charming young boy who wasn't conventionally good-looking, but handsome in his own way. He had dark, average length hair,tan skin and a smile that was to die for. Besides all that, he was very sociable among his circle of friends. Some might have sworn he knew the entire school. He was the star soccer player after all.

          Sandra and Arnold had very little in common, but when they finally crossed paths at a mutual friend's Chinese New Year open house party, there was an undeniable attraction between the two fourteen-year-olds. When they were first introduced to each other, Arnold seemed like the only one that had noticed the black-brown-haired beauty standing in front of him. Sandra had paid very little attention to him because she didn't really like big events of this sort. They just made her feel downright uncomfortable. Later that night, they bumped into each other again and decided to join a game of cards that was going on in one of the rooms of the enormous bungalow house their friend owned. During a game of blackjack, Arnold began to tease Sandra, and that caused her to respond in defense. When they caught each other's eye, the gleam of amusement in the other's eye did not go unnoticed by the two, and a blush spread from Sandra's neck to her cheeks. As the night went on, Arnold finally built up the courage to ask for Sandra's number. She was reluctant at first, but the easy-going atmosphere in the room made her comfortable enough to agree to his request.

          Sandra and Arnold's friendship was easy-going. They texted each other frequently and on occasion, Arnold would call to ask Sandra how her day was. They went to the same school unknowingly, and when school re-opened they were shocked, but overjoyed, to see one another. They enjoyed each other's company very much. Soon, Sandra felt like she could tell Arnold anything and everything. The reason this was, was because he seemed genuinely concerned about her well-being. Everyone could tell he cared for her deeply and would be willing to do anything for her. That was unusual for a boy like Arnold. Sandra felt the same way about him. There was a vulnerability when it came to their friendship. They both felt it. Being as young as they were, they had once mentioned to each other that they were too young to get involved or date and would only start when they were at least seventeen years old. Both parties had witnessed their friends' relationships go sour, and were never able to obtain their original friendships after that, but as they're friendship grew stronger, so did their true feelings for one another.

          One night, Sandra broke down on a phone call to Arnold. She revealed her one and only secret that might ruin her forever. She told herself that if she ever opened up to anybody about this, she would forever be vulnerable to them, and at that time, Arnold seemed like the perfect person to tell her secret to, appear vulnerable towards. "My mother has lymphoma cancer. She is at her fourth stage, the last stage. She is very weak and is only getting weaker by the days. My parents are out of employment as my father has to stay home with my mother twenty-four seven. He monitors her and takes very good care of her. She just recently started coughing up blood and is bed-ridden. I'm terrified. I don't know what to do Arnold. She's my mom", Sandra said with choked sobs and tears streaming down her face. Arnold was silent for about a minute or two on the receiving end. When Sandra was about to speak again after recollecting herself, she heard three softly whispered words in her ear. "I love you". She wasn't sure she had heard him right but before she could say anything... "I love you. I love you as more than a friend. I want to be there with you. I want to hold you right now and it's killing me that I am not there with you. I am so sorry that you have to go through this alone. I want to share the pain with you, you don't deserve to have so much weight on your shoulders. My darling Sandra, even if you can't accept me as more than a friend, even if you want to stick to our agreement on not getting involved until we're seventeen, I can't help my feelings for you. I love you".

          Arnold had sounded out of breath. Like there was difficulty in choking out the words he had kept in his heart for so long. That night, Sandra ended the call with one simple sentence. "I love you too my dearest Arnold". After that night, Arnold and Sandra had a bond that was untouchable by any being. They started acting as more than friends, each movement careful and sweet at the same time. It was as if they were joined together by an invisible force of nature. They were not like the other couples that displayed their affections in an overly public manner. All they did was talk more, whispered words of encouragement and endearment to one another and held each others' hand when needed. They leaned on each other for everything... until the day Arnold told her he was moving away.

          She felt betrayed, but she'd soon find out what true betrayal really is. He was leaving to further his studies in Canada. She quietly hated him for it but she knew it was not his fault. His mother had been planning this for him since Primary. Now that he was fifteen, he had to go. Their time together was growing shorter by the day. They spent every waking minute together but Sandra had already started putting distance between them. She told herself she had to if she wanted to make it through this heartbreak alive. He knew her intentions, but he wouldn't let her get away that easily. He showered her with memories of their time spent together. Some of the most memorable moments they had experienced as a couple, as friends, as best friends. He wouldn't let her forget it and deep down inside, she didn't want to forget it either. There was a place in her heart for Arnold now. Even if he left, she would keep him in her heart forever.

          The day he left was the day Sandra's nightmares started going out of control.There were nightmares where he rejected her repeatedly and ones where he just left her stranded, deserted and alone. But every night, Arnold would call and so her nightmares were just that; nightmares. Two months after he had left, she broke off all communication with him. She explained on the phone one night that her mother's condition was getting worse and she needed time alone. She really needed some time alone, away from his voice. In her mind, she wanted to break things off with him but could never bring herself to do it.

          The night of her worst nightmare was when everything started going south. The thought of Arnold holding another girl in his arms disgusted Sandra. The following night, Sandra made a long distance phone call. Arnold answered after the second ring with a simple 'hello'. She wanted to reassure herself once again that her boyfriend, her best friend was the most amazing boy she'd ever met. When she went on to describe her day, Arnold cut her off mid-sentence. "I'm so sorry, but I can't do this anymore. I found someone else Sandra. There is no excuse for what I've done". He went on to explain who she was and how they had met. She did not want to hear anymore but couldn't bring herself to hang up. Some part of her needed to hear it. When she finally did hang up, the sentence that haunted her the most was "I only did it to get over you, and I need you to get over me too".

          "No! No! No!", Sandra thought to herself. She felt truly and utterly betrayed. Her best friend. Her first boyfriend. Her first love. And now, her first heartbreak. Her heart literally hurt. She cried and cried. Nothing could stop her stubborn tears from streaming down her face. Her throat was tight. Her face was red and puffy. Her hair was a mess. Her eyes were swollen. She was sweating non-stop. She cried until the sun came out the next morning. She went on with her daily routine with a fake smile and a brave facade. She was like a zombie and it did not go unnoticed by her friends, but whenever they pushed her for the truth, she just said "I'm fine".

          Arnold came back to Malaysia a year later, broken up with his girlfriend. Sandra was secretly happy things didn't work out for them. Sandra told herself that she would never be rid of her feelings for Arnold.

          Arnold came back to Malaysia for one reason, and one reason only. Sandra. Sandra's mother's time had come. Sandra knew he was coming. She was unsure of her feelings. On one hand, she was upset, on the other, she was really excited to be seeing him again. She had been coping so well with her mother's death. Taking care of her father and little sister was not an easy task. She wanted so badly for someone to lean on. Not just anybody. She wanted Arnold, and he was coming. For her.

          Sandra's reaction towards Arnold was uncanny. It was unexpected. She was in her room, thinking of the past few days, everything that had happened. She had not yet shed a tear over her mom's passing and she had no idea why. Every relative she could think of was downstairs, paying their respects and she couldn't bring herself to face them. There was a knock at the door. Sandra was really not in in the mood to see anybody at that time but something told her she had to open it. There stood Arnold. She didn't even think when she ran straight into his arms. She lost all anger towards him. She did not care that he cheated on her. She was truly happy to have him just hold her. He closed the door behind him and Sandra started to cry. Her first tear touched Arnold's cheek. "Please believe me, I never meant to hurt you," he cried.