Famous last words

I guess you were already done with me. I guess I'm finally done with you. I just needed to get everything out of my system. I'm sorry to have ever bothered you with my presence in your life. Don't get me wrong, I don't regret my existence in this world. I thank God for bringing me into this world! I love my life, honestly.

That doesn't mean I don't get hurt. That doesn't mean I don't have negative thoughts. There's a time for sarcastic play of words, and there's a time to be serious.

"Sometimes when you're in pain, you don't really feel it in the afternoon, rather at night when there are no distractions. No friends to keep that smile on your face, no laughter to drown out your negative thoughts." -A friend.

Something inside me went off. I kept repeating these famous last words: "I miss him."
For 2 days straight, those were the words that slipped past my lips. After talking it out with a couple of trustworthy friends, I made my decision. Some say I took the high road, that I was the mature one. (I'm sure you don't see it that way... Haha) Let's see how you would see this. Some say I was being completely idiotic in taking action based on my feelings.

***

Something inside me shuts off whenever I put myself out there. Even before the dreaded responses. I just... go numb. But the numbness seems to be fading ever so quickly now. I don't, no, I won't let it get to me.

***

My fights with my father seem to be coming ever so frequently nowadays. It's like, one fight starts before the other is over. This is obviously not a good sign. I think even my sister is starting to take sides now. What hurts is, she's taking my side. I love her, but I think he needs her more than I do.

I tucked the little rascal in last night. Sleeping in her room like the big girl she is. I'm so proud of her. She's growing up ever so beautifully :') How am I ever gonna leave her?

***

I don't want to think about that right now. Must not let anything get to me. Nothing too emotional at least. If any of you reading this care for me at all, I ask a favor of you. I have an MRI coming up. It's after SPM, before PROM. I know a lot of my nocturnal seizures are self-induced. I let my emotions get to me, but I'm trying not to anymore. I'm really trying. You really think I wanna be on medication again just so I can get a good night's sleep? My favor is : prayer. The doctor says it's nothing, just a final thorough checkup. The thing is, I look at this like it's a test. Another subject I aim to pass. Because if I do pass, I'm in the clear. I just have to continue to watch my physical health as well as my mental health. But if I don't pass, and there's even the slightest chance my brain isn't as normal as it should be, well then, I don't know what will happen then.

Honestly, I've let too many boy issues affect my mental health in the past. It may have been caused by only one or two boys, but the proof is still there that it they got to me. So, I'm closing the door on this one. I really don't need this. I'm guessing neither do you. We never really fit into each other's lives anyway. I admit, I had fun with you. I still can't find anyone who can keep up the kind of conversations we had. Sarcastic and humorous. I guess it's all over now, isn't it? I really do wish you all the best in life. Don't forget to treasure the little things though ;)

And just like that, I've ended my famous last words for you.