Time to say goodbye

It's not goodbye exactly. It's more like an almost goodbye. The 2013 countdown is soon. It's obvious the world didn't end. It's also obvious that a lot is already starting to change this year, and we haven't even changed the numbers in the year yet. 

Hmmm....

Let me tell you how my December has been since I last blogged. Or rather let me show you.

 I celebrated prom with the people who mean the most to me, my girls :) 

I celebrated Christmas with my family :)

I celebrated my cousin, Erich's farewell :/

Every one of these events were memorable. I thank God I had the opportunity to spend this much quality time with my family and friends. December 2012 is almost over. It is time to say goodbye, in more ways than one. But I think I'm ready to say "I'm ready." I have to be. The year 2013 is coming at me and there's no way to stop it.

So, I will count my blessings. Take life in stride. Stay positive. Serve my purpose the best way I can. There's nothing that can stop this girl ;) and you know it!

In the meantime...

Just take each day as it comes, as if you were turning pages on a storybook entitled "My Life". 

<3

Quoting Dr. Seuss

Till I find my life partner with the level of weirdness that is parallel to mine, I'm gonna enjoy my life :D

Because I agree with you Dr. Seuss. LIFE IS A LITTLE WEIRD O.O

So, SUCK IT people who are trying to ruin me. I'm doing just fine. Better than fine even. Just watch me do my victory dance!

I want to type "THE END".

This can't be. He who says the dumbest things, also manages to say the things that no one could possible know about, unless one was a mind reader. Every time she thinks it's over, he comes up with a piece of her past she thought she had let go of a long time ago. How does he do that?

She never picked him for a fool, but his actions say otherwise. This unusual friendship they keep trying to maintain is never going to work. Especially if he doesn't start using his head. He's not even really using his heart. He's using... A fool's mind. And so the story continues.

Can't he see how fragile she is? How fragile she's been? Why he keeps coming around is still a mystery to her, and to those who stand by her.
"If I were you, I'd ask him to f* off."
"If I were you, I'd ask him to go bother someone else."
"If I were you, I'd slap him in the face."

Then they go on to tell her how good a person she is. Forgiving him like that. What they don't know is, she may or may not have a hidden agenda. She's not even sure herself. How can someone seem so right for you and so wrong for you at the same time?

There is one thing she is clear about:
No matter how much of her mind he reads; No matter how much of what he feels is exactly what she's felt (Heart beating fast and heavy breathing); No matter how much of what he remembers is what she will never forget, she IS over him.

"But I'm not over you. There's just something about you," he says.
Beautiful...Angelic...

That is why she doesn't think this is the end of their storybook. It could just be the end of another chapter. This story is starting to get on her nerves though. And here she thought she was the girl with the roller coaster emotions. Apparently not. So, this annoying story continues. It'll most likely travel into a place of oblivion that no one will ever decipher.

Next Chapter.

Hello December :)

So, it's the 1st of December 2012 :) I don't think I want to remember my last December. Too many mixed feelings, too many complications :S

Okay, this year may be even more complicated. For example: Choosing which college I want to go to, what subjects I want to take for A Levels etc. But emotionally, I'm stable :)

It really is a weight off my shoulders without a crush, a boyfriend and an ex on my mind. I don't think I even try anymore. Someday, somehow, my time will come. I have so much extra time now to do my song-writing, story-writing and song covers.

Admittedly, I still have one more SPM paper O_O Economics! Ughhh.. After the 6th of December, I know I'll feel even better :) Although, I do have 2 more exams after that. Cambridge First Certificate Examination & Trinity Public Speaking. WOW!! That sure is a lot of exams, huh? There's one more test I do need to take...MY DRIVING TEST!! Ok, that's about it. Maybe that's why my December is extra full this year.

In December, I have a couple of MUST DOs that are important. Like my MRI. (I still have no idea what that's gonna be like.) Also, I think I've got a dentist appointment scheduled in there somewhere. And a 4 day Pre College Preparatory English Class.

On a fun note, I have one day put aside for the girls and I to go shopping. (Especially for clutches-*prom*) A movie night with the old band. (Blueberry Cheesecake) A day of work for my aunt. (Santa Paws) A wedding dinner. A couple of Christmas parties. PROM!! :D

The rest of the days are for family and friends, good food and fellowship :)

Ooh! Ooh! I think my family and I are going to put up our Christmas tree tonight! What better day to do it than on the 1st day of the month Jesus was born in right? ;) I'm already feeling all warm and fuzzy inside thinking about Christmas. It seems many people are sticking with the traditional red decorated tree this year. I CAN'T WAIT!!!







So here we are. Back to December. The so called "Favourite month of the year". I just pray everything goes well for me. I hope that doesn't sound selfish. I'm just done with all this nonsense. Boys who can't stay away, hurtful words and actions, arguments and fights that in the end, mean NOTHING. I want a magical Christmas, I want a beautiful December. That's what I'm praying for right now. So, don't try to ruin this month for me, ok? I'll be nice if you promise not to be naughty. Hehe ;)

Dreams by AW

“Wait up!” I chased after the man with a fedora hat.  My voice must have caught his attention because he stopped in his tracks. Unlike most people, he did not turn to scout for the source of the voice. He simply continued gazing into the distance, though I wasn’t sure what he could actually see through the thick mist that hung in the still, chilly air around us.

                “Who are you?” panting, I managed to ask, as I finally caught up with the man. From afar, his tux and black slacks gave the illusion that he was a lot taller than he really was, but closer up, I could tell he was no taller than 5 feet 4. He then turned to face me, an enigmatic smile played on his lips, sending shivers down my spine. His fedora casted a shadow that cascaded down his face, hiding his eyes from my sight.  A little part of me was relieved I couldn’t see them. Who knew what evil they might’ve carried with them.

                “Ah, Miss Anne! Such a pleasure to meet you,” he said as if already expecting my arrival. He extended his right hand, covered with a white glove, totally ignoring my question. I wasn’t one to be rude, so I took his hand and shook it gently, being sure to at the very least offer him a polite smile. There was an air of mystery about this man that I couldn’t quite comprehend. He spoke in a calm manner, yet it wasn’t the type of calm that soothed one’s spirit, it was too calm that it caused the hairs on the back of my hand to stand on its ends.

                “Well, I must be off. I have a train to catch,” he continued, taking a glance at his Rolex watch. He snapped his fingers and suddenly, the ground beneath our feet shook at the rumbling of an on coming train. From the “chug-a-chug-a” sound that it made, it was pretty certain it was powered by a steam engine. As the train pulled up beside us, it let out a “choo choo!” and left puffs of smoke hovering above our heads, adding to the foggy conditions of my strange surroundings.

                “Wait! Sir! I still don’t know your name!” I shouted as he boarded his seemingly magical train.

                “Oh, don’t worry about my name. You’ll find out soon enough. I know for a fact that we’ll be seeing each other a lot more,” he replied and then removed his hat and gave me a wink as the train sped off into the mist. His eyes that were a shade of purple were cool and to an extent discomfiting and somewhat unnerving.  Yet, it had that cheeky twinkle that suited his know-it-all attitude. Then again, he really did know it all.

                “My name is Marx,” he revealed as he took a sip of tea out on the patio, our rendezvous. This was three years after our very first encounter. Surprised that he finally decided to reveal his name after countless days spent together in this foreign land, he piqued my curiosity. “Why have you only decided to tell me now?”

                “Because this is the last we will ever see of each other, Anne. I’m sorry,” his said without a hint of sorrow, his voice still as calm as it has always been.

                “But… why?” I asked as hot tears welled up in my eyes, threatening to spill over with just one blink. “I’ve come to enjoy your frequent visits so much!”

                “My frequent visits or your frequent visits?” Marx shot me one of his enigmatic looks and suddenly, all the puzzle pieces started to fall into place and it became clear. Never once when we met was I able to change the weather or choose our settings and scenery or appear and disappear at will. It was Marx who had the authority to do those things, who always knew what would happened and when they would happen, who could call things into existence with the snap of his fingers and I... I was simply one of those things. I was just a figment of his imagination, a small part of his dreams.

                “Goodbye, Anne,” he said as he dissipated into thin air and for the first time, I could’ve sworn I heard his voice crack as he bid me farewell.  The patio and all the memories it held faded with him and all that was left was an eternity of while, followed by an ominous silence. This is how it all ends…

                “Hi, Miss Anne!” a perky voice startled me, jolting me from my reverie.

                … Or not?

;)

Your Letter by AW

I gingerly open the neatly folded letter. As I do, I often wonder how you manage to fold it with such precision. Was it a lot of practice? Or did you take the time to measure and calculate before folding it? I tried doing the same once and ended up taking a ridiculous amount of time to get it just right. Yet, you make it seem so easy, a piece of cake, how the end of one side of the paper fits in the slot perfectly.

I run my fingers over the words, YOUR words. My touch receptors somewhat manage to delay my sight receptors and for that infinitesimal second before my mind registers what I’m seeing, your handwriting is beautiful. Then as my sense of sight kicks in, a thought surfaces- it’s so ironic how both qualities, impeccably neat and atrociously messy, could be possessed by the same person. Then, a voice at the back of my mind quips,” That’s why he’s so intriguing and you like that about him. It’s the beauty of his complexity and the air of mystery he carries.” At that thought, my lips slide up into a smile.

I read your letter, but my mind doesn’t register the words. As of now, I just don’t recognize any of the words I’m reading. All that clouds my mind are thoughts of you penning down your thought onto this sheet of paper I now hold in my hands. My picture of you is ever-changing, because I don’t know for sure the conditions in which you’re writing this letter. Sometimes, I imagine you on your bed, leaning against your bed post, with a blue pen in hand and the paper on your lap. Other times, you’re sitting on a chair with your chin resting on the palm of one hand and in the other, you’re gripping the pen in the peculiar way that you do, brows furrowed in concentration, being careful to choose the right word, knowing full well that words matter to me.

A part of me wants you to fill in the gaping holes in my picture and yet, the other part wants to keep guessing, keep wondering, keep imagining, to keep constructing until I’ve painted the most magnificent picture of a man composing a letter in the wee hours of the night to his lover while draining the dregs of coffee from his mug.

I read the last 3 words separately, picking them apart from one another to analyse them. ‘I’, the ninth letter of the English alphabet, also a first person singular pronoun, means nothing without a verb to go with it. ‘Love’, a strong feeling of affection towards someone, meaningless if not addressed to anyone in particular. ‘You’, used as the subject of a verb or the object of a verb or preposition, like the other two words, is meaningless on its own. The three words when put together, however, segue so seamlessly into one another. ‘I’ and ‘you’, words so different in meaning, like totally different keys on the piano, with a word like ‘love’ as a transition chord, can flow smoothly from a C to an A flat, or even from a minor to a major. I take a deep breath and let it all sink in, not knowing when I’ll read of those words or hear them again.

With those words now etched deeply in the folded membranes of my cerebrum, I cautiously fold the end of the paper back into the slot, like the way it was before. I store it in my wallet so I always carry a piece of you with me. Cheesy, soppy, cliché, I know, but believe it or not, that’s something, I believe, everyone will experience at least once in their lifetime. Perhaps one day, I wouldn’t need to carry it around with me anymore. To be honest, I’m excited for that day and if you’re on the same wavelength as I am, you’ll share my excitement. 

It's just what it is

"Just keep still and let it take you..."
"But I'm hearing screams. Loud, unbearable screams..."
"It will get better, I promise. I promise.." he whispers again softly.
I almost believe him then. ALMOST...

I will not be taken advantage of, do you hear me? Never! Just go away and stop choking me. I literally feel your hands around my neck, squeezing..killing.. Just leave me alone, you monster!

Step By Wicked Step

You know how I usually post up my English Essays from school? Whether it's from assignments or exams, I usually love posting up my essays. This time, I'm not going to do that. Reason being I wrote about something pretty personal and it's nothing I wanna recall. I have finally put the characters I wrote in that essay in my past. Yes, I use actual people in my life to come up with an interesting story. The names I used in essay were Thomas and Richard. That's all I'm gonna say on that.

Now, I'm going to introduce my Literature essay!:) Teacher said it was the best in class. 14/15 marks. Although I only achieved 85/100 marks in total and once again came in 2nd highest in class, I've learnt to look on the bright side and focus on the one section I did score highest in. LITERATURE.

According to Puan Nurliza (My English Teacher) , I would've gotten full marks if I had added quotes or references into my essay. Though she also told me she wanted to give me full marks but the school wouldn't allow it. Boo :(

Here goes!

Which character do you like most?

Based on the novel 'Step by Wicked Step' by Anne Fine, I have learnt about the lives of all her characters, but the character I like most is Pixie.

Pixie lives a life similar to a Cinderella Story. Her mother and father split up and she goes back and forth between living with her mum and living with her dad. Her dad remarried a woman named Lucy who is now her stepmother. Along with her stepmother are her two stepsisters, Sophie and Hetty Payne.

First of all, I like Pixie because she is strong-willed. Despite having to endure her parents' divorce, she still manages a strong and fiery behaviour in school as mentioned by Mr. Plumley. She also handles her living situations very well. Having to go back and forth between two homes is not a pleasant feeling. I love how she just never gives up on life and deals with the problems fate has dealt her.

I also like Pixie because she is hard-headed. This may seem like a bad quality to many but I think it makes Pixie who she is. Pixie is not afraid to speak her mind when she has to. She stands up for her rights and always tries to win the fight. For example, when Pixie got into a row with her stepmother, Lucy. Her stepsister, Hetty had complained that Pixie was not speaking to her. Because of that, Lucy stepped in and confronted Pixie. Pixie spoke her mind and told Lucy all about how she hated her sleeping arrangements as she was forced to share a room with Hetty. Pixie also told Lucy how she could not stand to play "Happy Families" in a household she was so clearly uncomfortable in. She also voiced out that nobody really bothered to ask her how she felt about everything, not even her own father. In the end, Lucy sympathized with Pixie and they had a mutual understanding over some tears shed. After that, Pixie got her was in which Hetty's mattress was moved back into Sophie's room, so she no longer had to share a room with Hetty. Hetty also stopped calling Pixie "Priscilla" which she so clearly hated.

Another reason I like Pixie is because she has the qualities of tolerance and patience in her. For example, when Hetty was forced on her even though her dad and Lucy had agreed that Pixie would have her own room. I think she handled the situation pretty well. Despite pulling a few tricks on Hetty in the beginning, she slowly warmed up to her. When Hetty was no longer living in Pixie's room, Pixie would still be willing to share her room with her sometimes, especially when telling her stories about Henrietta Forbes.

Pixie is also very considerate. For example, she knew her mother did not like it when she brought her stuff over to her dad's house. Because of that, Pixie never brought any of her stuff over in fear she might hurt her mother's feelings.

I also like Pixie's sense of humour. When she was playing tricks on Hetty to try and get her to leave her alone, she came up with a few creative and humorous ways to do so. For example, telling Hetty that there was a ghost who used to live in their house named Henrietta Forbes and that because Hetty had the same name as her, she may come to haunt them. It was more funny than scary because Hetty did not believe her, instead smiled and asked her to tell more stories about Henrietta Forbes.

Pixie is also a very good reader and I admire that in her. This is proven when she offers to read the story of Richard Clayton Hardwick to the group. They were all taken by her telling of the story so she must have been a good reader.

In my opinion, Pixie has endless likable qualities about her. I feel like I can also personally relate to her as I share some of the same qualities and life experience as her. This is all the reasons why Pixie is the character I like most in this book.

:) THE END.

I'm finally free

Now read these lyrics very carefully...

"Radiation"

Na na na nana na na nah
Na na na nana na na nah

I'll lay it down one time through, gather round
Though this is a chore
So rich with lies, I prefer poor advice
And showed her him the door

This is your goodbye and kiss opportunity
Thought you were burning me down
But I'm finally free and...

If you miss me don't
If I never wanna see you again
I won't
If you get an invitation
I'm probably drunk
You're just as hot as radiation
But I'm in this situation

Oh the sun came up
Tell me where'd I park?
We did it again.
We had some fun
Did some things
We got dumb
But I want it to end

Cause I only give in
When I get the need
I'm only coming around
Cause I get to leave and...

If you miss me don't
If I never wanna see you again
I won't
If you get an invitation
I'm probably drunk
You're just as hot as radiation
But I'm in this situation

Can't breathe, I can't sleep
Thinking 'bout the best of you and,
Some things I couldn't see
What about the rest of you?
Well, you're under my skin
But I can't let you win
Though you don't see scars
That's exactly what they are baby
Na na nana na nah
Na na nana na nah
Ooooh oh
Baby, baby, baby
You're never gonna hurt me

If you miss me don't
If I never wanna see you again
I won't
If you get an invitation
I'm probably drunk
You're just as hot as radiation
But I'm in this situation

Na na nana na nah
Yes I am
Na na nana na nah
I gotta get out
Na na nana na nah
Na na nana na nah
If you miss me
If you miss me, if you miss me
Na na nana na nah
Na na nana na nah...

You're SO done. All the best in life, my 'friend'. You're so fortunate I'm not telling people your name, let alone post up that pathetic 'conversation' we had. If I was the type to swear, I'd most probably have by now. But you're not even worth profanity. Sadly, you didn't even give me the chance to tell you just how much I've moved on. I am most definitely laughing, at least a little bit, behind your back. I'd really prefer it if you hated me instead of trying to crawl back to what you supposedly think was our 'used-to-be'. 

A little tip, do not, I repeat, do NOT look at me in church. Trust me, it will just dig you a deeper grave. Getting lectured is one thing, what happens next is what I hope I never get a chance to witness. There's my last piece of advice for you. I take back my apology and if it wasn't already clear, I don't miss you. 

We're done. 

Remember to dream

It felt like I was in a dream today. Everything fell into place. Despite stressing over an upcoming test, Bible Knowledge nonetheless, I was extremely content, happy even.

Sometimes, I honestly forget to dream. I never forget I'm a dreamer, but I forget to actually dream-happy dreams. I can be awake, asleep, doesn't matter. I just want to spend the rest of my life dreaming. There's this calming feeling in my heart. God is really doing wonders in my life. But why? I definitely don't deserve it. He knows the sins I've committed, especially recently. Still... He makes me want to tear for His grace is so overwhelming.

Papa was smiling today:) Almost throughout the whole day. It was a beautiful sight to see. He actually seemed proud when I brought back my "Murid Sahsiah Tinggi" certificate. When I asked him to listen to me recite versus from the bible for my test, he was patient with me. That was just a moment to treasure.

My classmate/friend, Tan Yi Qian was extremely nice and patient with me today. Helping me go through the Parables of Luke. With all this help, I know that I want to try extra hard on this test. For God most of all, but also because of the people who have so much faith in me.

Receiving the said certificate above brought back some sweet memories. I remembered this boy who wasn't from my school. I mentioned to this boy last year that I was receiving this exact award. When the day came last year for me to receive it, he didn't forget to go out of his way to congratulate me. That small action made my day last year, whether he knew it or not. Sweet memories are to be remembered.

DREAM. Today was definitely a dream. It was a dream come true. I am so happy. I just wish more people knew that. Understood exactly just how I feel. Do you know what I mean?

Kari Jobe - The More I Seek You
Listened to this song while blogging this :) Enjoy!

I'm laughing on the inside

But remember this :

Got that instilled in your brain yet?

Let them in anyway

But they can never really destroy you, can they? God keeps pulling me back up whenever they push me down. So? I'm just gonna keep letting them in.

One day, there'll be someone worthy enough of me to stay. There just has to be. Hoping against all hope that this isn't another one of my idiotic moves. I am not destroyed, but rather restored. God's grace is ever so merciful :)

It'll take more than words and back stabbing to kill me. In the meantime, you won't let them touch me right, mummy?