Stupid boy

"You never know what you got till it's gone"
I'm really tired of waiting and dropping subtle hints. So what if they're a bit too subtle?? Trust me when I say I didn't plan on you appearing in my dreams 3 nights in a row.

STUPID BOY!!


Yeah, keep saying that Sam, but you know it ain't true! :P


Why do you have to be so charming? 

Beautiful, or beautiful disaster?

Time after time. Encounter after encounter. Nothing changes. Little hints that come and go..... and then a bomb hits. The 'bad influence' bomb. I believe in you, I always have. They didn't make up my mind, I made up my mind. But, did you hear what they said?

"He doesn't take his responsibilities seriously"

"He always fools around"

"I'm not the only one, they don't like him either"

"He makes bad choices"

I thought my mind had come up with your worst side already. I thought I solved the 'worse comes to worst'. I guess I haven't. The chance I was offering, I'm considering taking it back. But then I think, do I even deserve better than you? I've been told time and time again that I do. It's hard not knowing where I stand in all of this. Where you want me to stand. Where you're standing in the meantime. 

I've never seen the bad side of you. Not really. I saw the you that was kind, compassionate and patient. Caring, dedicated and strong. Loving, responsible and Godly. What are they seeing that I'm not? I want to see you. All of you. Because it's all or nothing. It's also all of me or nothing. 

Who am I to judge, right? Do you even see my faults though? Are you easily fooled by my strong facade every time we meet? Do you see the vulnerability? I know you see me as shy, willing and caring. That's not all I want you to see. 

In my mind, we could be something beautiful. Or maybe, just a beautiful disaster.

Once a week

He stood there, waiting... Waiting for what? When he finally sat down, it was the seat next to hers. Despite the voices behind her, calling him to sit with them, he did no such thing. Was it deliberate? A coincidence? Did she really have that power over him?

It's not very nice to have a girl make her own assumptions. Especially when he's sending so many mixed signals. She's so tired of the too-cool-to-express-feelings act he's putting on. At least, that's what she thinks he's doing. 

This may be new to him, not having the girl fall head-over-heels for him immediately. He has to try a different approach, or risk losing her to someone possibly more worthy of her whole life. Of her. 

She made a new year's resolution to take chances. After two years of love sobriety, she needed to try something new. But she's tired of waiting, and playing this unspoken game of her move, his move. 

Ps, I really wanna read this book. Anybody wanna get it for me? My birthday's in March :) Pretty please...

Disorganized

How is it that I haven't found the time to blog about anything even worth mentioning yet? What a bad start to my blog this year, huh? :/ This isn't what I had in mind, really. I was going to keep up a frequently updated blog. With my writings, and little interesting things that happen in my life. Like I did last year. But the holidays are no more, aren't they? 

Let's see what I've been up to.... I became the class monitor again this year, though all class monitors from last year already knew it was a no-brainer, knowing our oh-so-considerate classmates. It's stressful. And I'm trying my best to help out my new form teacher, seeing that she doesn't have much experience doing this. Not that I do, but I know the basics, and she is appreciative. That's all that matters. I'm also worried that I have no idea what to do to lead my PPR (Pandu Puteri Renjer) members this year. Girl scouts. You'd think the girls would be easy to control... EHH!! You thought wrong :P So there's something else to think about. This year is supposed to be about discipline too, and letting ourselves be known as a strong Uniform Body. Uh-huh, and I'm in charge :O

Most of all, and the thing I care most about now is CF. Meetings and camp. One of my top priorities, besides my family and of course, my time with God. I can't tell you exactly what I'm part of for CF right now, but let's just say, while it's an honor and a privilege to be given a chance to serve this way, I also always hope that i'm doing God justice with my work. It's not easy to say the least, to balance all of the above, but I know I can do it. Plus, I enjoy the work. Really, I do. 

I really wanted to post something about my now Form 1 little sister. It was amazing how well she's doing in this environment. Of course, she has our cousin to 'teman' her every recess, but it is really good to see her getting along so well. I promise to dedicate a post just for her soon ;) *I just need to find the time*

Another thing, and I know this may sound silly to some of you but I was thinking of joining my school's Nostalgia this year. It's my school's magazine department. It's a hectic job for some, but I was thinking about interviewing for the writing department in Nostalgia. It won't take up too much of my time, I hope, that's if I even get pass the interview :/ I really feel like trying out, and I'm gonna pray about it, of course. By God's grace, hopefully I can do what I love and maybe even learn something for my future. How to work super-duper hard is a lesson to learn for sure. 

Everything seems a little disorganized at the moment. Or maybe it's all in my head. My undone homework is on my mind too. Tuition homework included :P Also, though I'm still shocked by this myself, my beloved family and friends out there who read my blog frequently, I just want to say thank you. Every day I learn that more and more of you and opening this web page and it really just puts a smile on my face :) Even knowing there are unknown readers out there make me smile :) Ps, when I say I don't want you to spread the news of my blog anymore, I mean the total opposite. I really appreciate the time taken to visit a teenager's blog. Especially, a teenager like me. 

Ooh ooh! If there are really nice and supportive readers out there, maybe you could suggest which 2 freelance essays I could submit to the Nostalgia committee for my interview? If you've read some of my freelance essays that is. I won't be hurt if I get 0 comments again, cause I know for sure that there are people reading this. Some of you even comment about my blog to me in person. Which is definitely accepted by the way. I promise I'll be more creative on my next post. I really have to go now. Will be back to type more words soon. Goodnight :) 

Mommy, I don't want anymore nightmares, you hear? :/

Thy will be done

Looking back, reminiscing about all the memories I've made. It wasn't a bad year. Nope, not a bad year at all. 

Pictures of him, pictures of her, pictures of them, pictures of us, pictures of you, pictures of me. 

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't afraid of what's to come. My feelings get so messed up sometimes, I'm not quite sure where my brain fits into every situation. Having to not only feel, but to be smart about your feelings at the same time is a difficult task to master. I have a feeling nobody ever really perfects doing so. Then, why do I have to?

I could so easily be succumb to peer pressure and life's little temptations. I could forget thinking at all and do what I feel. But that's not what I'm doing, is it? It's not what would please my God. I will always have troubles, too much to think about. My family will stress me out, my friends may not always understand what I'm going through, the boy I like could get on my last nerve.... But these are not the setbacks that are going to stop me from living my life. The life God has so graciously blessed me with. I can be thankful for many things, but being thankful for my life, sums up almost everything, because guess what? My family and friends are my life. He is my life, because He gave me life.

We shall overcome

More gifts like you

ALYCIA TAN WEI WENN

NICHOLAS HOR ENG WENG

HEIDY QUAH

SEAN LOW SHAN-ANN

BRENDA CHIN HUEY ZIEN

BRANDON TAN KWANG SHEN

CHAI TZE KWANG

ANDREW FOONG YUE KWANG

AMANDA CHAN POH EAN

LIM YI FEN

ONN BOON KUAN

RAYSHELL WONG RUI ENN

TAN YI QIAN

HAZEL ONG

LEE HAN JIANG

CHRISTOPHER TAN

This 16 gifts are in no particular order. Maybe in the order of old pictures to new. Heh ;) I'm sorry I don't really have time to explain each and every friendship but trust me that each and every one of the friends you see up there, are a treasure to me. And if these friendships last like I know they will, this won't be the last you see of my Christmas gifts :) MERRY CHRISTMAS everyone!! God bless and I love you all! :D

Lost in the lights

My head is clearer now. Having overprotective friends, watching my back twenty-four/seven. Whenever I'm in danger of doing something stupid, something impulsive, they're always there to talk some sense into me. I know, what's life without mistakes right? But what if there were some mistakes you could avoid? Some really big regrets you could avoid having? 

"Half of my heart has a grip on the situation"

"What do you mean by you're attracted to him?"

She was lost in the magic of it all. The stolen moments they shared. No, it wasn't like that. What they did together... Planning charity projects together, sharing family secrets, stressing out together to make sure each plan turned out perfect, sharing a cup of water out of exhaustion, admiring the less fortunate and being grateful together. How blessed they were. Learning to appreciate the little things they had. 

"Is he a good influence on you?"

There seems to be two sides to everyone. There is no exception to him. On one hand, he is the one that took his responsibilities seriously. He cared about everyone and everything around him. He showed kindness and patience. On the other hand, he sometimes hung out with the wrong friends. Not showing patience to everyone like she thought he did. He has a haunted past, that he may not regret, but may not be proud of either. 

Colossians 3:18-25

18Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.

19Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.

20Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.

21Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged.

22Slaves, obey your earthly masters in everything; and do it, not only when their eye is on you and to win their favor, but with sincerity of heart and reverence for the Lord. 23Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, 24since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving. 25Anyone who does wrong will be repaid for his wrong, and there is no favoritism.

Ephesians 5:22-33

22Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. 23For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

25Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26to make her holy, cleansing^b her by the washing with water through the word, 27and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church— 30for we are members of his body. 31“For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”^c 32This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church.33However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.


1 Corinthians 7:1-7

1Now for the matters you wrote about: It is good for a man not to marry.^a 2But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband. 3The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife.5Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 6I say this as a concession, not as a command. 7I wish that all men were as I am. But each man has his own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that.

This is what I've been reading for the past few nights for my own personal devotions. Praying about it too. To know what God wants from me, in a relationship between man and woman. What a marriage is supposed to be. I can only be with someone if I know there's a chance I'm going to marry him someday. If he learns about this someday, and understands it, then I'll believe him and take a chance. Give him a piece of my heart. But for right now, I'm no longer lost in the pretty lights. Yes, the atmosphere around us may seem like a fairytale sometimes, but he and I both need to grow separately before coming together. When I see him, I'll have all this in mind. Mistletoes and magic won't blur my mind anymore. And I owe a little thanks to the friends who keep me grounded and the Lord that gave me everything, including these overprotective friends. 

Magic and mistletoe

As an ordinary girl, she dreams of having super powers. What kind of super powers? To read minds maybe? To understand how a guy's mind works? To make a guy love her.

Love Potions

Ever heard of them? Some girls find magic in the way a guy looks at her. Magic in the way the guy she likes, likes her back too, and isn't afraid to tell her. Express his love for her.

She's the girl still concocting love potions. I think it's safe to say, she hasn't experienced her super powers yet. But she has them, she just hasn't used them yet. The power to just let it happen. Let God's plan take it's course. Who needs a love potion?

Trust in Him. In His plan. She's falling for a guy who seems to be all wrong for her. But there seems to be some chemistry and being almost Christmas, if there was a mistletoe... Who knows ;) Nahh, I'm just kidding.

A little Christmas magic? Is that what she's waiting for? Or is it just him she's waiting for? Why can't he see? She feels something. But it's not all about how you feel. How about what you know? Your brain plays a part too, you know? If only she had the courage to risk their friendship and go for it, but she's not going down that path it seems.

"God, show me the way. Light the path you want me to walk on."

Productivity

I should really busy myself with things more productive. And that's exactly what I'm going to do! I realize when I do so, no UNproductive thoughts can enter my mind. But how often do I do anything productive? Silly, silly thoughts. Silly, silly me. I guess I am your average teenage girl. Or maybe, not so average.... ;)

Now, why can't I do that with my thoughts? Release them like those millions of balloons being released around the Eiffel Tower. What am I saying? It's not like my thoughts are as pretty as those pink balloons. Neither is the scenery around me as legendary as the Eiffel Tower. Productivity, that's what I need. Hmmm... Tell me again why my brain functions so  uncontrollably? 

Someone has got to make a move. I'm stalling, you're stalling. It seems like everyone's stalling. I 'dare you to move!' Like, now. Beautiful song, this one. :) I'm done speaking now. 

Mom, help me move, okay? :)

Signs

She was looking for signs. She was analyzing some signs. She was over-thinking his signs. Then she remembered, waiting for his signs is like waiting for rain in this drought. He may be a waste of her time. But she uses the word 'may' heavily. Her attraction to him may be uncanny but it happened. She got hooked. 

He's not coming after her. Another good reason to let this whole infatuation thing go. After all, their time together seems to be over. Over and done with. This was no summer romance. This was a summer crush. That's all it was, until somebody speaks up and voices out their feelings. If he's not going to, and she's not going to, then it is over. 

A friend like you

So, I come back home from another long day and have so many ideas for my blog. But all those 'ideas' go out the window when 3 conversations pop up on my Facebook page. 3 very different conversations. 3 very different friends. 3 solid reasons to have faith in miracles. 3 gifts from God. 

Gift No. 1

Rayshell Wong Rui En

"I can't find anyone else that understands me the way you do. We're so different, yet so alike. You light up my day with your contagious laughter, your uncontrollable hype and silliness. On the other hand, you warm my heart with your words of reassurance, your patience, and most of all, your love. I can tell you anything under any circumstance. Even when my sentences are all jumbled up and I go on and on about my troubles and confused thoughts, you hear me out till the end. To top it all off, you know the words to say that speak right to my heart. You make sense of everything in my world, and I can't understand how I do the same for you as you've said. I will cherish your love and friendship always. I truly love you and you're better than any Christmas gift I've ever gotten."

Gift No. 2

Lim Yi Fen

"My beautiful friend. What some people don't see, is the beauty inside of you. You've been misunderstood a few times and I'm sorry if I haven't always been there for you. You shine with positive energy and you also have the patience I long to have. You hide your feelings often a little too well, and I wish you'd share more with me. I'm not a friend that'll last many years, I'm your friend that will last forever. I'm forever and always here. Remember that. Get that into your head, because well, you've found your way into my heart and I'm not letting you go! I love you Fen and don't ever think I'll leave you alone, ever."

Gift No. 3

Andrew Foong Yue Kwang

"You're a very special gift. A very precious gift to be exact. Our friendship has always come easy, but that doesn't mean that we didn't have our ups and downs. We had ups and downs I didn't even know could go up and down. But you handled it with such grace only a real man can possess. You're not just the nerd, you're not just the fast-learning guitar player, you're not just the add math genius... You're the nerd who can comfort me, the guitar player who can teach me, and the genius who can love me. You're a friend like I've never had. No one else is like you and your new found confidence makes me proud. To watch you grow makes me proud. I will always look up to you, not only cause you're taller than me, but because I have so much to learn from you. I really do love you and calling you my friend, is the biggest honor of all."

If you think these are the only 3 gifts God has given me in my 16 years of life, you are very wrong. I have so much more to be thankful for. So many more amazing people in my life that I'd trust with anything secret I have. How can I trust so many with my secrets? Well, let's just say that while everyone is unique and beautiful in their own way, my friends, to me, are unique and beautiful in a way that gives them the ownership of a little piece of my heart. Always and forever. So while they have my heart, why not let them have my secrets too? I trust them, I truly do. These 3 gifts are the first of many gifts I wanna share with the rest of the world. Because, why should I be so blessed with these people and not show them off to the rest of the world? (Well, the rest of the world that visits my blog that is;))

I do have a lot of love to give, but my love doesn't go out easily either. Although these friends make it easy for me to love them, our friendships weren't always perfect. Another thing about me that may come shocking to you is that, I do have trust issues. But with all this love around me, how can I not learn how to trust? I am still learning to trust because I believe there are more people out there that need to be given a chance. A chance to be trusted. A chance to be loved, and a chance to love back.

God has truly been great to me. Blessing me with gifts this grand. And it's not even Christmas yet! The biggest thing he did for me isn't this though. Remember the true meaning of Christmas? Christ before Christmas. It's not gifts we're celebrating, it's our Lord Jesus Christ's birth we're celebrating. How great is our God to give us an example like Jesus? To give us His Son.

Please open your eyes this Christmas. Look out for the real gifts in your life, just like the gifts I hold dear to my heart. I would like to share many more of my blessings with you, but this is all from me for now. I'll share more later;)

Mommy, you were a gift to me too. You will always be the greatest mommy to me. And I'm happy I got to be a gift to you too. On the 20th of March 1995, you saw me as a blessing. Well mommy, I see you as a blessing too! :) I know you're with Him now, and I know you're watching over me. Thanks again mommy!

Do opposites attract?

She grew up with her stepmother, a stepsister to boot. I know, sounds a little Cinderella story-ish right? She also grew up without a dad most of her life. Lost him in an accident. But she lived the easy life. She had relatives, family and friends. They had love to offer her. So, she had the complicated, but good life.

On the other hand...

He grew up with both parents. A little brother too. A normal life right? He was always left alone. Learnt most of his lessons by first making a lot of mistakes. Mixed with some bad company, doing one too many experiments. So, he had the simple, but hard life.

What do you think happened when these two individuals crossed paths? Do you think it was easy for them to connect? 100% NO! They're still on separate journeys, but they acknowledge each others' existence. Do opposites like them really attract? Please give me your opinions. Leave a comment. Tell me on facebook, tell me through email. Tell me in person. Because I really want to know.




Like two hearts set on the same branch by accident. Where do they go now?