Poisoned

This is the most unexpected way to start a new month. I wasn't expecting this. Any of this...

I heard you'd been going through some things. I also knew it was along the lines of your family getting involved in your life, for good reason. I'm on your parents' side, did you know that? But instead of talk to me about that, you brought up a totally different subject. A topic of discussion I didn't even know could be discussed. That's when you poisoned me. 

I didn't even know you and I were up for discussion. You are very much attached. Last year and this year as well. You have no right to look at me that way. You are not that much older. 18 is not a big number in my book. Now, I'm not sure if I'm mad at you or me for not making a bigger stand against this. 

Poison is exactly what you are, what your words meant. Don't you remember what we used to talk about? All throughout last year, we talked about family, books, studies, the future. We were good friends who barely saw each other in person. Now I know that that was for the best. I liked you from afar. I gave you a nickname. "Little". You don't seem little in every sense of that word. Every aspect of you seems to be causing a bigger controversy every time you speak. But it's just between you and I, isn't it? No one else will know of the conversations we've had. 

Day 1. We talk for almost the whole day. 

Day 2. I tell you I feel haunted by the previous day and you give me no response. 

Now. I'm having symptoms of a familiar illness. The same way I did when my heart was broken 3 years ago. It only happens when my emotional pain actually becomes physical pain and I lose all my strength to something called 'nocturnal seizures'. Only this time, my heart isn't broken. My heart as well as my mind is poisoned. Not broken, but poisoned. My thoughts of you are made of poison as well. I was so blinded. So very blinded. There's too much going on inside of me right now. My eyes are tearing, my stomach is aching, and my body is failing. 

Work this out with me or leave and never come back? Because I can't pretend our conversation didn't happen. My guilt will be your guilt. And my pain will be your pain. How are you gonna deal with it?