You are always forgiven

Dear dad,

           After that big fight we had, I purposely did not want to talk to you if I could help it. I only said 2-3 words to you per conversation. I didn't give you my attention. I didn't tell you anything you didn't need to know. I didn't show you any affection. You must have noticed that. 

When a person cannot bring himself to say "I'm sorry" to you, there's a chance you may never speak to him again. There's also a chance you forgive him in silence and just forget the wrongs that have been done to you. For me, it was always the latter. But this time, I chose to wait him out. The words "I'm sorry" never came. 

Then I realized that this was my stepfather we're talking about. He's such a beautifully made creature... I can never figure him out. I also cannot stay mad at him. I was never really gonna never forgive him. I already forgave him when he gave me a tiny smile, though I did not smile back. 

You never wanna know you never forgave a person when something unexpected occurs. Tonight, my father is out helping a friend. From Selangor all the way to Seremban. Sitting in the Seremban hospital waiting with a friend for the news of his mother's condition. Who does that? My father does that. Before he left, I wanted so badly to hug him. To say more to him then just "Drive safe". So... I did. The thing is, I think he wanted to hug me too. "Please be safe pa..."

"I will always forgive you. Always." 

The both of us are so imperfect but a perfect relationship is all I can think of. We hurt each other with words, actions. But there is always forgiveness. Just not many "I'm sorry-s". 

I love you, pa. You know I do.