Must he be perfect? Flawless? Of course not! But somehow, I just pictured him that way. I've always seen myself as a future housewife, with a good, faithful husband and a few children. Emphasis on the good, faithful husband;) There is no doubt that I have thought about who I'm going to marry someday. Sometimes, I even dream about my future husband in detail. Recently, he has appeared in my dreams almost every night.
Tall, dark and handsome. I didn't expect to dream up a cliche for a husband, but that is how he showed himself to me in my dreams. Hazel-colored eyes that were emphasized by a pair of double eyelids and long eyelashes every girl dreamt of having. A perfectly placed nose in the center of his face and a smile that would melt any girls' heart. Ears that were the perfect size, unhidden by a boyish haircut that made you want to mess up his unmoving dark brown locks.
"Honey! I'm home," my future husband would say as he walked through the door of our cottage-like house.
I could never believe how blessed I was to be married to such a masterpiece by God. Beautiful on the outside and even more so on the inside. With a sincere and willing heart, he would do anything if just for the sake of making someone smile. I would be by my husband's side one hundred percent, knowing what kind of man he was. Trusting him to make the difficult decisions for our family. I would have faith in him to know what was best for him and myself.
Endless conversations between my future husband and I. Even in silence, only comfort would be found between us. No awkward feelings whatsoever. Every night before bed, secrets and endearments would be exchanged. Even our arguments would be short, letting our love overshadow our disagreements. We would never forget every special moment spent together, from the time we first met, to the days when we grow old together.
Our marriage would be based on our faith, which we both must take seriously. Never leaving God out of our life together. That is exactly how we would raise our children. He would be a loving father, treating our children with respect and full adoration. He would not spoil them, but give them everything they needed, not wanted. At the same time, giving them all the love he has to give. I would watch my husband and children from a distance with pride, unable to hide the glow in my eyes and the grin on my face.
My future husband would hold me any time of day, whenever I needed him. Whether I had tears in my eyes or have just had a bad day. Wrapping my arms around him, my head would fit perfectly above his broad shoulders and against his firm neck. Forever breathing in the fresh male scent of him that would remind me, "This is my husband." He would be my rock, my shelter.
My imagination may run wild sometimes, especially when you ask me to picture my future husband. As you can see, I have done more than just picture him. I don't believe that he is just a dream that can never be found in reality. My future husband is out there, somewhere. I must have faith that I will find him someday, or maybe, just maybe, have him find me:)
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
My latest assignment
When a teacher gives you the opportunity to do free writing, what would you choose to write about? Me? I got stuck. So guess what I did... I took one of teacher's suggestions from the whiteboard. She was listing down all the types of essays that could be written. Narrative, Descriptive, Factual, One-word titles, Argumentative... One of the examples she gave was 'My Future Husband/Wife'. It was under the category of descriptive. I have never, repeat never tried my hand at descriptive writing before, but I can tell you that AW(My anonymous writer) can most probably specialise in that category. I on the other hand am worried I won't be able to pull this off.
'MY FUTURE HUSBAND' What would you write if you were given this title? I already wrote one and a half pages of the essay thinking it was due today itself. Then teacher went and changed her mind. But I had already written so much, I am not about to start all over again. So, I decided to go with the flow. Use what I've already written and better that, and just finish it off with a hopefully perfect ending. Mom, help me!
I know this is an interesting title to write on for most people, especially me:) When I'm done, I will post it on my blog like I do all my other 'interesting' essays. Hopefully I can achieve a good grade for this one. 'My Dream', my previous essay, managed an A- with the word Interesting! written above it. Yay! I can't exactly expect more than that. Puan Nurliza never gives a grade higher than A- Sometimes I wish she would grade us out of 50% like all the other teachers do. That's all from me for now:)
'MY FUTURE HUSBAND' What would you write if you were given this title? I already wrote one and a half pages of the essay thinking it was due today itself. Then teacher went and changed her mind. But I had already written so much, I am not about to start all over again. So, I decided to go with the flow. Use what I've already written and better that, and just finish it off with a hopefully perfect ending. Mom, help me!
I know this is an interesting title to write on for most people, especially me:) When I'm done, I will post it on my blog like I do all my other 'interesting' essays. Hopefully I can achieve a good grade for this one. 'My Dream', my previous essay, managed an A- with the word Interesting! written above it. Yay! I can't exactly expect more than that. Puan Nurliza never gives a grade higher than A- Sometimes I wish she would grade us out of 50% like all the other teachers do. That's all from me for now:)
Monday, August 15, 2011
Happy Birthday Andrew!
You have been a great friend to me and I really appreciate it. No matter what ups and downs we face, separately or even together, I know we'll always get through it. Because we have already been through so much together. Thanks for being such an amazing waiting buddy turned best friend. God bless you always:D
Thursday, August 11, 2011
My Dream
Yay!! My English teacher finally gave an interesting topic as an essay assignment this week. I'm so happy:D We were learning about one-word essays that day, and she gave us a sample of one on 'LAUGHTER'. She asked the class, "Do you want to copy a sample essay or write your own?" Knowing 4Meranti, they said, "COPY!!" The great thing was, after letting us copy the sample essay, she wrote down 6 one-word essay topics on the board.
"Please let that be our homework..." I was thinking to myself.
"Okay class. Choose one and write," said Puan Nurliza.
YES!! Here were our choices:
When my eyes are closed shut, and it's dark all around. That's when I dream. When I think about my dream, I do not think about my future, or what I plan to become. I think of the play of images that appear every now and then when I'm asleep. Some dreams more fictional than others. Some dreams are so real, they're hard to differentiate from reality.
The dream I proudly call my dream is an unforgettable one. It involves some fiction, but the characters are ever so real.
The sky was dark, but I felt safe. Why? Because I was in her arms. My mother's arms. We were tucked away safely in my parents' bedroom, under the covers of the bed. She was holding me tight against her body as she rocked me back and forth, occasionally stroking my hair back, away form my forehead.
The sky grew darker. Thunder started to roar. Lightning started to strike. A big storm arose and I was shaking from head to toe. "Shhh.... Everything will be alright. I'm here with you," my mother whispered in my ear. My heartbeat slowed to a steadier pace, and soon I was relaxed again. Then, something striked me as strange. Where were my father and sister?
"They're alright baby. They're safe. I need to take care of you now," said my mother. I made a small whimper and closed my eyes. I leaned back against my mother and soon fell asleep in her arms. When I awoke, I came face-to-face with the boy who broke my heart. The scenery of the dream had changed and I was now standing in the house where Arthur broke my heart. His house. The thing is, I was not alone. She was there with me. My mother was there with me, holding my hand. "Go ahead, tell him how you feel," she said. So I did. After I did, a smile appeared on my face and all the pain of that memorable heartbreak disappeared. My mother turned me around to face her and smiled. Suddenly, the scenery around us changed again.
We were now standing in front of my school. My mother was holding me by my shoulders. I realised that I was holing my PMR results in my hands. I stared at it, already knowing what was stated. 3A's and 4B's. I looked up at my mother that was only a few inches taller than me with tears in my eyes. "Why are you crying dear? I am so proud of you. You did your best. You and I both know you were meant to be an art student, to pursue your passion for writing," she said while staring me in the eyes, giving me the reassurance I needed. At that moment, I knew everything was going to be alright.
"Now, close your eyes and awake from this dream," said my mother. We were now back in my parents' bedroom. Sitting on the bed. The storm had long passed and in it's place, a clear and bright sky. Just before my dream ended, my mother said to me,"I will carry you through any storm. Remember that. Even when I'm not there with you in person, I will always be there with you in spirit. I love you."
My mother is and always will be my ideal dream. A dream sent down to me from heaven:)
That's my essay. I love you so much mummy!:) Thank you for always watching over me.
"Please let that be our homework..." I was thinking to myself.
"Okay class. Choose one and write," said Puan Nurliza.
YES!! Here were our choices:
- My Dream
- Beauty
- Music
- Formula One
- Tsunami
- Friendship
When my eyes are closed shut, and it's dark all around. That's when I dream. When I think about my dream, I do not think about my future, or what I plan to become. I think of the play of images that appear every now and then when I'm asleep. Some dreams more fictional than others. Some dreams are so real, they're hard to differentiate from reality.
The dream I proudly call my dream is an unforgettable one. It involves some fiction, but the characters are ever so real.
The sky was dark, but I felt safe. Why? Because I was in her arms. My mother's arms. We were tucked away safely in my parents' bedroom, under the covers of the bed. She was holding me tight against her body as she rocked me back and forth, occasionally stroking my hair back, away form my forehead.
The sky grew darker. Thunder started to roar. Lightning started to strike. A big storm arose and I was shaking from head to toe. "Shhh.... Everything will be alright. I'm here with you," my mother whispered in my ear. My heartbeat slowed to a steadier pace, and soon I was relaxed again. Then, something striked me as strange. Where were my father and sister?
"They're alright baby. They're safe. I need to take care of you now," said my mother. I made a small whimper and closed my eyes. I leaned back against my mother and soon fell asleep in her arms. When I awoke, I came face-to-face with the boy who broke my heart. The scenery of the dream had changed and I was now standing in the house where Arthur broke my heart. His house. The thing is, I was not alone. She was there with me. My mother was there with me, holding my hand. "Go ahead, tell him how you feel," she said. So I did. After I did, a smile appeared on my face and all the pain of that memorable heartbreak disappeared. My mother turned me around to face her and smiled. Suddenly, the scenery around us changed again.
We were now standing in front of my school. My mother was holding me by my shoulders. I realised that I was holing my PMR results in my hands. I stared at it, already knowing what was stated. 3A's and 4B's. I looked up at my mother that was only a few inches taller than me with tears in my eyes. "Why are you crying dear? I am so proud of you. You did your best. You and I both know you were meant to be an art student, to pursue your passion for writing," she said while staring me in the eyes, giving me the reassurance I needed. At that moment, I knew everything was going to be alright.
"Now, close your eyes and awake from this dream," said my mother. We were now back in my parents' bedroom. Sitting on the bed. The storm had long passed and in it's place, a clear and bright sky. Just before my dream ended, my mother said to me,"I will carry you through any storm. Remember that. Even when I'm not there with you in person, I will always be there with you in spirit. I love you."
My mother is and always will be my ideal dream. A dream sent down to me from heaven:)
That's my essay. I love you so much mummy!:) Thank you for always watching over me.
Monday, August 8, 2011
An on the road confession
They were no longer kids. Nobody could tell them what they could and couldn't do. Once separated, but now reunited. This is real. Nothing could feel this good, and not be real. Going back and repeating what they did when they were just a couple of 15-year-olds, gave them an opportunity to explore something beyond friendship. They're 24-years-old now. Back for the holidays. Living in the houses just opposite each other.
A little peek to the right and she knew that he was thinking hard. "Please don't say it... Please don't say it...."
Staring out her window, she nervously hummed the first song that came into her head. "Take time to realize, that your warmth is crashing down on me.."
His head turned a little to the left. She looked at him then, 3 seconds later, he looked away. "Oh my! What have I done?" she thought to herself.
"9 years.." he said. She jumped a little and turned her body to face him. They were still on an empty highway, on the way to nowhere in particular, in the middle of the night.
Those were not the words she was expecting him to start with, but she waited patiently for him to go on.
"9 years of friendship, and you choose now to tell me?" Another pause, and he went on "You're in love with me." More a statement than a question.
Before she could say anything.. "And I'm in love with you."
Tree after tree, still very few cars on the road. She couldn't tear her eyes away from him then. She just stared. When he pulled over, her heartbeat accelerated. She realized she wasn't breathing consistently.
He turned his whole body to face her. The scenery around them seemed to have disappeared as she stared directly into his eyes. She closed her eyes for about 5 seconds. It was dark all around, but she wasn't afraid. The girl who was usually so terrified of the dark was not afraid. "I've got abandonment issues. I know I do," she thought, trembling slightly as she brought to mind her past disappointments, past failed relationships. But she felt comfortable, somehow. Secure, even. Right here, right now. With him, and only him did she feel safe.
"I'm gonna kiss you now," and a second later he did. It wasn't without warning, but she was still caught off guard. When she opened her eyes again, the car was moving. Staring at the signboard ahead, she realized what was happening. To her, and only in her eyes, she read the words 'HOME' on the signboard. No longer were they going nowhere, they were headed back, to the place it all started.
"I'm not going anywhere without you now, " he said.
"Just drive," she said.
"This is our thing, sneaking out at night and just driving around." said Todd.
"This is our thing." Wendy gave him a smile, then sat back, closed her eyes and just enjoyed the ride. She was in a world of her own, happy and nobody could take that away from her. No one could take him away from her. Not again.
A little peek to the right and she knew that he was thinking hard. "Please don't say it... Please don't say it...."
Staring out her window, she nervously hummed the first song that came into her head. "Take time to realize, that your warmth is crashing down on me.."
His head turned a little to the left. She looked at him then, 3 seconds later, he looked away. "Oh my! What have I done?" she thought to herself.
"9 years.." he said. She jumped a little and turned her body to face him. They were still on an empty highway, on the way to nowhere in particular, in the middle of the night.
Those were not the words she was expecting him to start with, but she waited patiently for him to go on.
"9 years of friendship, and you choose now to tell me?" Another pause, and he went on "You're in love with me." More a statement than a question.
Before she could say anything.. "And I'm in love with you."
Tree after tree, still very few cars on the road. She couldn't tear her eyes away from him then. She just stared. When he pulled over, her heartbeat accelerated. She realized she wasn't breathing consistently.
He turned his whole body to face her. The scenery around them seemed to have disappeared as she stared directly into his eyes. She closed her eyes for about 5 seconds. It was dark all around, but she wasn't afraid. The girl who was usually so terrified of the dark was not afraid. "I've got abandonment issues. I know I do," she thought, trembling slightly as she brought to mind her past disappointments, past failed relationships. But she felt comfortable, somehow. Secure, even. Right here, right now. With him, and only him did she feel safe.
"I'm gonna kiss you now," and a second later he did. It wasn't without warning, but she was still caught off guard. When she opened her eyes again, the car was moving. Staring at the signboard ahead, she realized what was happening. To her, and only in her eyes, she read the words 'HOME' on the signboard. No longer were they going nowhere, they were headed back, to the place it all started.
"I'm not going anywhere without you now, " he said.
"Just drive," she said.
"This is our thing, sneaking out at night and just driving around." said Todd.
"This is our thing." Wendy gave him a smile, then sat back, closed her eyes and just enjoyed the ride. She was in a world of her own, happy and nobody could take that away from her. No one could take him away from her. Not again.
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
The adventures of Brenda and Directions
"Are you staying back today?"
Thank you Yi Qian's mom for fetching us all to lunch. (Andrew, Tzekwang, Brenda, I and Yiqian of course) Lunch was good. Just right. And the random table topics that came up were cool too. Reminiscing about life as a Primary school student was.... interesting. Right Mr. I sweared words I didn't even understand? Fakta-fakta and Permuafakatan were very important words in our topic of discussion, no? Haha. Anyway, the adventure starts with a search for Seventeen Magazine(August issue!) ;)
"Maybe there'll be more magazine selling shops down the road."
We went to a total of 2/3 SevenElevens and another few magazine/junk food shops. No 17Mag. Humph. Following the path down from Yu Yiee restaurant, she found herself just opposite Damansara Utama. *Gulp* "I see and overhead bridge...."
Walking up those slippery steel steps so high above the ground... Ahhh... *I was definitely screaming on the inside* Thank God Brenda read my mind and started praying as we took the last few steps to the top. "Now, all we have to do is walk across this extremely high bridge to get to the other side of the road." ZOOM ZOOM ZOOM I looked down, so. high. up. so. many. cars. so. scary! "Don't worry Sam, I've used this bridge many times before."
"But I'm scared of heights!" "So am I," she replies. *FAST FORWARD* "Phew!! I never knew how great my fear of heights were till now." I bet she laughed at me on the inside :/
Need... to find.... that magazine shop yifen told her about. (Carefully) cross this road, cross that road. See this landmark, remember that landmark. And then, we come across this shop lot filled with just magazines. (No, it was not the one yifen had suggested) But it was THERE. 17MAGAZINE!! There you are!!
No, we did not go straight back to school. We stopped... at... a DVD store. And bought... 4 6 DVDs in total. Hehe;)
Let me see... they were:
Green obstacle alert! Tree branches everywhere. People cutting down more tree branches. Our way was literally blocked. I was thinking of taking another road in the housing area but Brenda said the roads were tricky and we could get lost. "We'd been doing so well so far, I am not getting lost now!" And how nice were the workers to MOVE THE TREE BRANCHES for us. YAY!!! We got passed that obstacle and every 10 steps, we would say "We're almost there!"
One step. Two steps. We'rehome in school. Yippee! For me, the adventure didn't end until I got to the bathroom. And then that was THE END for me.
-Hoped you liked reading about mine and Brenda's journey on a typical Wednesday. Did I mention? Brenda did not scream the whole way there, and the whole way back. Especially when crossing the roads;) And for me to put my trust in her and let her lead the way, was not a very big risk at all. I trusted her and see how well things turned out:) We were back in one piece, safe and sound.
Thanks mom for watching over us:)
Thank you Yi Qian's mom for fetching us all to lunch. (Andrew, Tzekwang, Brenda, I and Yiqian of course) Lunch was good. Just right. And the random table topics that came up were cool too. Reminiscing about life as a Primary school student was.... interesting. Right Mr. I sweared words I didn't even understand? Fakta-fakta and Permuafakatan were very important words in our topic of discussion, no? Haha. Anyway, the adventure starts with a search for Seventeen Magazine(August issue!) ;)
"Maybe there'll be more magazine selling shops down the road."
We went to a total of 2/3 SevenElevens and another few magazine/junk food shops. No 17Mag. Humph. Following the path down from Yu Yiee restaurant, she found herself just opposite Damansara Utama. *Gulp* "I see and overhead bridge...."
Walking up those slippery steel steps so high above the ground... Ahhh... *I was definitely screaming on the inside* Thank God Brenda read my mind and started praying as we took the last few steps to the top. "Now, all we have to do is walk across this extremely high bridge to get to the other side of the road." ZOOM ZOOM ZOOM I looked down, so. high. up. so. many. cars. so. scary! "Don't worry Sam, I've used this bridge many times before."
"But I'm scared of heights!" "So am I," she replies. *FAST FORWARD* "Phew!! I never knew how great my fear of heights were till now." I bet she laughed at me on the inside :/
Need... to find.... that magazine shop yifen told her about. (Carefully) cross this road, cross that road. See this landmark, remember that landmark. And then, we come across this shop lot filled with just magazines. (No, it was not the one yifen had suggested) But it was THERE. 17MAGAZINE!! There you are!!
No, we did not go straight back to school. We stopped... at... a DVD store. And bought...
Let me see... they were:
- Letters to Juliet <3
- Flipped (Old but good)
- Pride and Prejudice (Legendary)
- Waters for Elephants (Recommended)
- Soul Surfer (Inspiring)
- You Again (Funny, chick flick, which we are watching tmr at my place;))
Green obstacle alert! Tree branches everywhere. People cutting down more tree branches. Our way was literally blocked. I was thinking of taking another road in the housing area but Brenda said the roads were tricky and we could get lost. "We'd been doing so well so far, I am not getting lost now!" And how nice were the workers to MOVE THE TREE BRANCHES for us. YAY!!! We got passed that obstacle and every 10 steps, we would say "We're almost there!"
One step. Two steps. We're
-Hoped you liked reading about mine and Brenda's journey on a typical Wednesday. Did I mention? Brenda did not scream the whole way there, and the whole way back. Especially when crossing the roads;) And for me to put my trust in her and let her lead the way, was not a very big risk at all. I trusted her and see how well things turned out:) We were back in one piece, safe and sound.
Thanks mom for watching over us:)
What to feel
*smiles* "I'm so happy for you. You deserve this, really."
*smiles**hug* "Wow, when did that happen? I'm happy you're happy."
*smiles**small shriek**big hug* "That's great. Look at you, you're glowing. I'm so happy for you."
What do you feel when you say you're happy in situations like these? Maybe you're truly happy, but when you do it over and over and over again... (OW!) I feel.... not jealousy, not envy, not anger, not sadness(exactly).. I feel.... I don't know what I feel, what I'm supposed to feel.
Her eyes looked straight at the picture in front of her. Pictures. She centres in on the smiles, the wrinkles at the eyes. True bliss shone from that one simple low light picture. She looks up at her friend and fakes a smile that's so convincing. After class, she hurries down each step, still careful not to trip. Grabbing her chest cause she's feeling..... some kind of pain. It grows as she reaches the last step. A blank expression covers her once smiling face. "Here's that feeling again.." Wrinkles in between her eyebrows give away her confusion. No one around to judge her, so why bother? Deep breaths.
She's listening but she isn't paying attention. She asked for this, it's what a friend does. Hear her friend out, especially when they have happy news. When they're all so happy. "I'm sorry, but I don't relate to your feelings," she thinks to herself. Way to often, she does that. Think to herself, talk to herself. Looking up and into her friend's eyes, she gives another one of her infamous deceiving smiles. Just breathe.
Her last experience is what she looks back on at times like these. Her friends ask her why she would put herself through something so silly and so far in the past, this is why. When they speak of their love lives, she thinks of the only moment she might have actually experienced the same thing. She asks to know about them, but does she really want to hear it? No one to blame but herself. So she looks behind her. An ugly picture is staring her in the face. It isn't even finished. It has just been left hanging. She wonders if she had the heart to finish the picture, if she'd be any happier.. She answers herself with a simple no. She looks forward again. She sees love in her life. She has amazing family and friends, no doubt. But she still wants to know what to feel when moments like these come and pass, more frequent now than ever. So she just keeps breathing, deep breaths.
*smiles**hug* "Wow, when did that happen? I'm happy you're happy."
*smiles**small shriek**big hug* "That's great. Look at you, you're glowing. I'm so happy for you."
What do you feel when you say you're happy in situations like these? Maybe you're truly happy, but when you do it over and over and over again... (OW!) I feel.... not jealousy, not envy, not anger, not sadness(exactly).. I feel.... I don't know what I feel, what I'm supposed to feel.
Her eyes looked straight at the picture in front of her. Pictures. She centres in on the smiles, the wrinkles at the eyes. True bliss shone from that one simple low light picture. She looks up at her friend and fakes a smile that's so convincing. After class, she hurries down each step, still careful not to trip. Grabbing her chest cause she's feeling..... some kind of pain. It grows as she reaches the last step. A blank expression covers her once smiling face. "Here's that feeling again.." Wrinkles in between her eyebrows give away her confusion. No one around to judge her, so why bother? Deep breaths.
She's listening but she isn't paying attention. She asked for this, it's what a friend does. Hear her friend out, especially when they have happy news. When they're all so happy. "I'm sorry, but I don't relate to your feelings," she thinks to herself. Way to often, she does that. Think to herself, talk to herself. Looking up and into her friend's eyes, she gives another one of her infamous deceiving smiles. Just breathe.
Her last experience is what she looks back on at times like these. Her friends ask her why she would put herself through something so silly and so far in the past, this is why. When they speak of their love lives, she thinks of the only moment she might have actually experienced the same thing. She asks to know about them, but does she really want to hear it? No one to blame but herself. So she looks behind her. An ugly picture is staring her in the face. It isn't even finished. It has just been left hanging. She wonders if she had the heart to finish the picture, if she'd be any happier.. She answers herself with a simple no. She looks forward again. She sees love in her life. She has amazing family and friends, no doubt. But she still wants to know what to feel when moments like these come and pass, more frequent now than ever. So she just keeps breathing, deep breaths.
Monday, June 13, 2011
Acting
What do you think about acting? Well, I attended an acting workshop this past holiday and it was great. Although I showed up late on the last day, the performance day, I made it anyway. I got to act with the rest of the class. Show some of our parents and other visitors what we learnt in the 3 days of workshop.
Our 19-year-old teacher Tess was amazing. She was young, of course, beautiful and very talented. She also has a very interesting background story to tell, but I'm not going to talk about that. She is shameless when it comes to acting and that's how we all ought to be when we act. But she also takes it very seriously. It's her passion I guess.
Instead of just describing to you what I learnt, I'm going to tell you (from my point of view) how acting felt like. I was the oldest in the class, yet again. But I'm pretty sure I had the least stage experience. Yeah, I've done Public Speaking and performed on stage some times before, but that was me singing. Acting is a totally different experience altogether. Like I said, you got to be shameless. Do you really think I'm shameless? Well, those of you who know me that is. Maybe I am, sometimes. But not all the time.
On the last day, I arrived at the English centre towards the end of the morning after leaving my CF outing slightly early. I was told that I stunk, but nothing less was expected of my new found friends, of course. Spending 3 days expressing ourselves through acting really brings people together, you know? I was excited that I was still able to be part of the activities later that day.
We had very limited time that day, so we only did 3 improvised scenes that could also be described as games. We had no scripts, nothing rehearsed, and that's what we all had voted on the day before. We all agreed we worked better without the pressure of memorised lines and pre-rehearsed body movements and so on.
We kicked start the 'performance' with a game we like to call 'Who I am'. This game is a little hard to explain so I'm just going to move on to the next game we played. 'Hesitation'. We'd have a scene and audience members would have to shout out random words while we were acting. We would then have to use those words in our scene no matter how random they were. I played a little girl at the zoo with my mom(Celine) and a zoo keeper(Shakeel). Some of the random words we were given were :balloon, tiger, lion, dinosaur, airport, candy, giraffes, crazy....
The next scene was between my sister and 3 other friends(Wei Hong, Zainul, Jessica). They were at the hospital. My sister played the patient. Words they got from the audience were: water, lunch, injection, McDonalds, emergency, doctor, camera....
Ok, maybe those game weren't that fun, but like I said, lack of time. The last game was kinda successful, in my eyes at least. 'Magic Chairs'. In normal circumstances, we would have 7 chairs, one for each student at different situations/locations. And once we chose to sit on them, we'd have to create a character with a motivation of being at that location or in that situation. The character must also have a good background story. But because we had limited space in the room, we used different places on the ground instead of chairs. I'm not going to be long winded and tell you all 7 stories, so I'll just tell you mine and my sisters. Oh, and we were asked questions by Tess about our characters, it was part of the exercise.
My sister was put beside a swimming pool. So this is what she came up with.... She was a single mother. Husband wanting a divorce. She was currently watching her 8-year-old daughter swimming in the pool. Her husband wanted a divorce because he had troubles with their daughter. According to her, he often called her daughter a beast. Her daughter shared the same distaste for her father. She was depressed. She acted emotionless and was thinking about the future while watching her daughter swim.
Nice story, huh?
Mine? Well, I'd say I've got nothing on my sister. I loved her imagination and her story. I was put in the playground. I chose to be a 26-year-old character named Lily. I was swinging lightly on the swings in the middle of the night. Why? Because I'm confused about my recent heartbreak. I was dating two guys at once. Had them both wrapped around my fingers and took full advantage of that. The 2 guys were also related, as uncle and nephew. Zeke and Jack were their names. Zeke the nephew, Jack the uncle. Jack was my childhood best friend that turned into something more whilst Zeke was a nice guy I met in high school and had dated since. I dated both simultaneously until I was caught. Then, I lost them both. My fault. The play ground held special meaning for me because I used to play in the sand there with Jack when we were just kids and Zeke and I played on the swings there together as older kids, always competing to see who could swing higher. I knew I was in love with them both and losing them, broke my heart. My own fault.
So that's my made up story. It was fun.
Now, I'm anxious for my acting debut. Well, it's sort of like an acting debut. My English class is having their annual performance day on the 25th of June at Tropicana Golf Club. It's so soon!! I have a part singing with the 4-year-olds in the opening act. My main part is playing a wife in a play title 'Bad Dream'. In the play, I have a very arrogant husband that has little care for the people around him, especially the people he works with. In his dream, I leave him and he comes to his senses when he awakens. From then on, he changes his behaviour, especially when treating other people. Cliche, I know. And I've got lines to remember! Trust me, acting isn't easy, especially script acting. I find singing much easier, thank you. Haha. We'll just see how I do, huh? I'm also understudying for a mother role but it's unlikely I'd have to play that too. This is my first year being exposed to activities like these and I'm having the time of my life. I look forward to it almost every week.
There's a lot more I can say about these Saturday classes I've started taking this year. Creative Writing and Public Speaking class is a blast. I wish I could join the English Literature classes but they're on Wednesday and I have extra curricular at school on that day thanks to the government. Oh well, we can't have it all right? Will update you more on my performing progress. I wish you could see me having fun acting as well as singing, mom:)
A little info: I have a band, an acoustic band named 'Blueberry Cheesecake'. And pls, pls read the pieces AW writes here on my blog. I absolutely love them and AW inspires me so. I write too, just not as well. I love AW to bits and make sure you comment on her story 'HOME'. :)
Our 19-year-old teacher Tess was amazing. She was young, of course, beautiful and very talented. She also has a very interesting background story to tell, but I'm not going to talk about that. She is shameless when it comes to acting and that's how we all ought to be when we act. But she also takes it very seriously. It's her passion I guess.
Instead of just describing to you what I learnt, I'm going to tell you (from my point of view) how acting felt like. I was the oldest in the class, yet again. But I'm pretty sure I had the least stage experience. Yeah, I've done Public Speaking and performed on stage some times before, but that was me singing. Acting is a totally different experience altogether. Like I said, you got to be shameless. Do you really think I'm shameless? Well, those of you who know me that is. Maybe I am, sometimes. But not all the time.
On the last day, I arrived at the English centre towards the end of the morning after leaving my CF outing slightly early. I was told that I stunk, but nothing less was expected of my new found friends, of course. Spending 3 days expressing ourselves through acting really brings people together, you know? I was excited that I was still able to be part of the activities later that day.
We had very limited time that day, so we only did 3 improvised scenes that could also be described as games. We had no scripts, nothing rehearsed, and that's what we all had voted on the day before. We all agreed we worked better without the pressure of memorised lines and pre-rehearsed body movements and so on.
We kicked start the 'performance' with a game we like to call 'Who I am'. This game is a little hard to explain so I'm just going to move on to the next game we played. 'Hesitation'. We'd have a scene and audience members would have to shout out random words while we were acting. We would then have to use those words in our scene no matter how random they were. I played a little girl at the zoo with my mom(Celine) and a zoo keeper(Shakeel). Some of the random words we were given were :balloon, tiger, lion, dinosaur, airport, candy, giraffes, crazy....
The next scene was between my sister and 3 other friends(Wei Hong, Zainul, Jessica). They were at the hospital. My sister played the patient. Words they got from the audience were: water, lunch, injection, McDonalds, emergency, doctor, camera....
Ok, maybe those game weren't that fun, but like I said, lack of time. The last game was kinda successful, in my eyes at least. 'Magic Chairs'. In normal circumstances, we would have 7 chairs, one for each student at different situations/locations. And once we chose to sit on them, we'd have to create a character with a motivation of being at that location or in that situation. The character must also have a good background story. But because we had limited space in the room, we used different places on the ground instead of chairs. I'm not going to be long winded and tell you all 7 stories, so I'll just tell you mine and my sisters. Oh, and we were asked questions by Tess about our characters, it was part of the exercise.
My sister was put beside a swimming pool. So this is what she came up with.... She was a single mother. Husband wanting a divorce. She was currently watching her 8-year-old daughter swimming in the pool. Her husband wanted a divorce because he had troubles with their daughter. According to her, he often called her daughter a beast. Her daughter shared the same distaste for her father. She was depressed. She acted emotionless and was thinking about the future while watching her daughter swim.
Nice story, huh?
Mine? Well, I'd say I've got nothing on my sister. I loved her imagination and her story. I was put in the playground. I chose to be a 26-year-old character named Lily. I was swinging lightly on the swings in the middle of the night. Why? Because I'm confused about my recent heartbreak. I was dating two guys at once. Had them both wrapped around my fingers and took full advantage of that. The 2 guys were also related, as uncle and nephew. Zeke and Jack were their names. Zeke the nephew, Jack the uncle. Jack was my childhood best friend that turned into something more whilst Zeke was a nice guy I met in high school and had dated since. I dated both simultaneously until I was caught. Then, I lost them both. My fault. The play ground held special meaning for me because I used to play in the sand there with Jack when we were just kids and Zeke and I played on the swings there together as older kids, always competing to see who could swing higher. I knew I was in love with them both and losing them, broke my heart. My own fault.
So that's my made up story. It was fun.
Now, I'm anxious for my acting debut. Well, it's sort of like an acting debut. My English class is having their annual performance day on the 25th of June at Tropicana Golf Club. It's so soon!! I have a part singing with the 4-year-olds in the opening act. My main part is playing a wife in a play title 'Bad Dream'. In the play, I have a very arrogant husband that has little care for the people around him, especially the people he works with. In his dream, I leave him and he comes to his senses when he awakens. From then on, he changes his behaviour, especially when treating other people. Cliche, I know. And I've got lines to remember! Trust me, acting isn't easy, especially script acting. I find singing much easier, thank you. Haha. We'll just see how I do, huh? I'm also understudying for a mother role but it's unlikely I'd have to play that too. This is my first year being exposed to activities like these and I'm having the time of my life. I look forward to it almost every week.
There's a lot more I can say about these Saturday classes I've started taking this year. Creative Writing and Public Speaking class is a blast. I wish I could join the English Literature classes but they're on Wednesday and I have extra curricular at school on that day thanks to the government. Oh well, we can't have it all right? Will update you more on my performing progress. I wish you could see me having fun acting as well as singing, mom:)
A little info: I have a band, an acoustic band named 'Blueberry Cheesecake'. And pls, pls read the pieces AW writes here on my blog. I absolutely love them and AW inspires me so. I write too, just not as well. I love AW to bits and make sure you comment on her story 'HOME'. :)
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
Home
I impatiently drummed my fingers on the steering wheel. I turned my gaze back on the road where the traffic seemed to stretch out for miles far beyond my view. I sighed and turned on the radio. A familiar tune filled the car. “I’m coming home, I’m coming home. Tell the world I’m coming home…” Despite my frustration, my lips slid up into a smile. Indeed, I was going home.
I lived in Damansara Utama, a small housing area in the huge city of Petaling Jaya. However, due to work circumstances, I was forced to move out of the state. I’ve always wanted to go back home, I missed my parents. I often dreamt of returning home to be greeted by the warm welcome and embrace of my parents, yet I never seemed to be able to find the time to do so. You see, I work in the advertising line where life is all about date lines, date lines and more date lines. The purple-blue rings smoothed like smudges of dirt under my eyes simply prove how much sleep I get. I’m perpetually fighting off sleep and have to down at least 10 cups of coffee and sometimes a few cans of red bull to keep me awake.
As the traffic finally starts to ease out, I reach for the can of red bull on the passenger seat and take a sip. Home. The word brings back so many memories. Home is where you get all your “firsts”- your first word as a baby, your first tooth, your first day of school, your first sports day. Now, that’s an interesting memory, sports day. Inside my mind, my memory box unveils itself and the memory of my first sports day begins to unfold.
I was 8. It was the annual Puay Chai Primary School sports day. A few weeks before, teacher had chosen me to represent my house in a running event. Ever since that day, I would plead my mom to take me to the nearby park to practice running. I loved it. My brown hair bounced in waves on my shoulders as the wind whistled in my ear. After weeks of practice, the big day finally arrived. I could’ve sworn there were ants in my pants, I felt so nervous. “Students involved in the running event, please take your places on the tracks,” announced the principal. I pressed my lips together to conceal my nervousness. As I stole a glance at my contenders, a fresh spasm of fear leapt through me and I inhaled deeply to calm myself down. I scanned the crowd and looked to my mom for reassurance. She gave me a thumbs up and that was all I needed to feel confident again.
The gun shot sounded and I pounced forward. The crowd was cheering, yet all I could hear was the sound of my adrenaline pumping. It battered in my ears, pounded in my head and drummed in my throat. Every step sent jolts up my body. I saw the finishing line, it was less than 5 steps away. I can make it, I can win, I thought. Just then, I tripped on my own foot and fell. My face closed down, like dominoes falling, my expression went from hope to defeat. The other runners, oblivious to my fall, ran past, vying for the grand prize. My knees were scratched up and my palms were red from trying to break the fall, but that wasn’t what hurt the most. Tears welled up in my eyes and I pressed my lips flat to stop myself from breaking down in public. I looked to my mom expecting disappointment to be knitted on to every inch of her face. Instead, my mom gave me a big smile and continued to cheer on. “You can do it, Emily!” my mom cupped her hands around her mouth and yelled. I gave a toothless grin, got up and finished the race. I may not have won, but that day, I learnt something of much higher value- my mom believed in me and she still does. Plus, it’s not always about winning, it’s the journey that you gain the most from.
The memory folded itself back into the memory box and I was back on the road. To my surprise, I was already in Petaling Jaya. In fact, my car had turned a corner into a very familiar road- my secondary school.
I pulled up my car by the school gate for a moment and wound down the windows. I perched my sunglasses on the top of my head to get a clearer view of the school. Nothing much seemed to have changed. Besides the new coat of paint, the layout of the school was still the same as before. I took a breath of the school air. Perfume from the teachers, oil from the canteen and the scent of puppy love entered my nostrils and filled my lungs. Let’s not kid ourselves here, we’ve all had at least one crush in secondary school if not more than that.
Another memory popped up from the memory box. This time in the form of a book. Pages flipped and flew and then it stopped. I rested my chin on the open window and the little time machine in my mind brought me back to my secondary school years. I was in form 2. Being in the older group lo students in the afternoon session, I thought I had seen it all. Clearly, I was being naïve, there were still countless lessons I had yet to learn, one of them being heart break.
His name was Alex. He was of average height with a muscular physique. He had mahogany brown eyes that could light up the room, an aquiline nose, high cheek bones and a mop of dark wavy hair. His cheeky smile revealed a set of perfectly aligned pearly whites. Being of mixed heritage, he inherited his father’s olive complexion and his mother’s thick, long eye lashes. Although I consider myself a cheery soul, his genuine bonhomie made me look like a miserable kid that didn’t get her ice cream. Even though he was new at the school, he soon became the heart throb of every girl- every girl in school except me.
He was placed in my class and as the monitor, I was assigned to be his “tour guide” around the school. I really didn’t mind, he seemed like a nice chap. As I took him around school and explained the rules and regulations, he listened attentively. Normally, these sort of things would have a soporific effect on students, I have to admit, I had to stifle a few yawns myself, but this guy seemed genuinely interested. As we talked more and got to know each other better, I found out he liked history and aspired to become a lawyer. I guess that explained why he was so interested in the history of the school. He was laid back and easy going, he walked with the confident loose-limbed swagger of youth. He also loved acoustic music just as I. We clicked and soon enough became best friends.
The pages of the book flipped vigorously again and opened up at my form 5 year. How fast time flew was a wonder to me. Alex and I managed to maintain our relationship as best friends. Though I was often warned of the dangers of platonic relationships, I personally found no harm in it. After all, it was never going beyond the borders of best friends, or so I thought.
We studied hard and later found out that we scored with flying colours in our SPM examinations. I was convinced that there was only one thing every girl and guy look forward to in form 5- prom. I was no exception. I had long ago planned to go with a group of friends, but recently I had myself wondering if Alex would ask me out. Why? Because you like him. I ignored the little voice in my head. No, I can never ever develop feelings for him. Yet, I secretly waited to see if my wish would come true. To my surprise, it did!
On the night of prom, I was grinning from ear to ear. As Alex’s car pulled up outside my house, I pinched myself to make sure it wasn’t just a dream. Alex came out of the car and took my breath away. His hair was gelled up, his brown eyes scintillated under the moonlight and his smile shone as bright as ever. His tux enhanced his physique and gave a glow to his olive skin. I bit my lip to prevent myself from smiling like a Cheshire cat.
The night was perfect until I decided to take a trip to the loo. As I went into a cubicle, a group of girls came bustling into the toilet to reapply their make-up, I suspected. The girls started speaking in hushed muffled tones, but I heard everything. “I can’t believe Alex decided to ask Emily out. I was hoping he’d ask me,” one of the girls whined,
“He told me why he asked her out and the truth is, he wants to get the scholarship from her dad’s university.”
“No way!”
“Yes, way! He knew she was hoping he’d ask her out too.”
They giggled and strutted out of the toilet, their high heels tapped against the marble floor. I edged out of the cubicle, rivulets of tears streaming down my face leaving a black trail of mascara on my cheeks. A million thoughts circled my mind like blood thirsty vultures. The room started spinning. My chest tightened and I gasped for a breath of fresh air. I ran out and hitched a cab home. I never saw Alex again and as far as I’m concerned, he never got that scholarship. The poignant memory of prom closed together with the book and returned to its place in the memory box. I started the engine and drove off.
Not before long, I was in my housing area. The houses seemed to have grown. Who knows how many owners have move in and out of them while I was gone. Though the place had changed drastically over the years, I still felt its warmth. Home is not just a house but rather a place where I grew both physically and mentally. This is the place where dreams were made and accomplished, the place where I shared experiences that last a life time, the place where relationships were built. As my car pulled up by my gate, I knew I had done the right thing. To be honest, I resigned from my job and applied for a new one here. Though the pay is much less, it was all worth it. I rang the doorbell and called out into the dimly lit house.
“Mom! Dad! I’m home!”
-AW :)
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Every important occasion now brings me to tears
I loved celebrating my sixteenth birthday and I wish I had the time to tell you all that went down during the time of my birthday but I just don't. All I can say is I love my family and I love my friends. But I must cry and tell Mummy how much I wish she were here with me to celebrate every important event with me. I miss you so much. I miss you every day.
As I put all the cards and notes my friends have given me on the wall, I look just a little lower and see your cards. No one card beats all of yours. You also gave me the greatest present of all, you. You raised me and now, I can say that I have had a life. My life is not over yet but I have experienced a life with you. A life I will never forget, I love you so so much, mum. Please continue to watch over Papa, Kaela and me. We miss you...
As I put all the cards and notes my friends have given me on the wall, I look just a little lower and see your cards. No one card beats all of yours. You also gave me the greatest present of all, you. You raised me and now, I can say that I have had a life. My life is not over yet but I have experienced a life with you. A life I will never forget, I love you so so much, mum. Please continue to watch over Papa, Kaela and me. We miss you...
Friday, March 4, 2011
Love That Was Lost
"No, I don't believe you! You love me. You said you loved me and would always be there for me at my time of need. Now you say you have another girlfriend? No! No! No!" Sandra woke up from yet another nightmare. "What is wrong with me? Arnold is my best friend. He reminds me of our unbreakable friendship every day. Our friendship that grew beyond imaginable fantasies".
Sandra was a fourteen-year-old girl. Having inherited her mother's beauty and sense of humour, along with her father's hypnotizing smile and brains, she was a girl many would call 'perfect', 'one in a million'. When people looked at Sandra, their first thought was "Here is another pretty, naive little girl that has yet to experience how tough life can really be". Most people never thought much of her, except the boys who were always captivated by her beauty and unique personality. No one knew just how mature this young girl really was. Without anybody's knowledge, not even her closest friends', she kept a painful secret that forced her to lie about her happiness, her true feelings that she kept hidden deep inside her heart. That all changed when she met Arnold. A charming young boy who wasn't conventionally good-looking, but handsome in his own way. He had dark, average length hair,tan skin and a smile that was to die for. Besides all that, he was very sociable among his circle of friends. Some might have sworn he knew the entire school. He was the star soccer player after all.
Sandra and Arnold had very little in common, but when they finally crossed paths at a mutual friend's Chinese New Year open house party, there was an undeniable attraction between the two fourteen-year-olds. When they were first introduced to each other, Arnold seemed like the only one that had noticed the black-brown-haired beauty standing in front of him. Sandra had paid very little attention to him because she didn't really like big events of this sort. They just made her feel downright uncomfortable. Later that night, they bumped into each other again and decided to join a game of cards that was going on in one of the rooms of the enormous bungalow house their friend owned. During a game of blackjack, Arnold began to tease Sandra, and that caused her to respond in defense. When they caught each other's eye, the gleam of amusement in the other's eye did not go unnoticed by the two, and a blush spread from Sandra's neck to her cheeks. As the night went on, Arnold finally built up the courage to ask for Sandra's number. She was reluctant at first, but the easy-going atmosphere in the room made her comfortable enough to agree to his request.
Sandra and Arnold's friendship was easy-going. They texted each other frequently and on occasion, Arnold would call to ask Sandra how her day was. They went to the same school unknowingly, and when school re-opened they were shocked, but overjoyed, to see one another. They enjoyed each other's company very much. Soon, Sandra felt like she could tell Arnold anything and everything. The reason this was, was because he seemed genuinely concerned about her well-being. Everyone could tell he cared for her deeply and would be willing to do anything for her. That was unusual for a boy like Arnold. Sandra felt the same way about him. There was a vulnerability when it came to their friendship. They both felt it. Being as young as they were, they had once mentioned to each other that they were too young to get involved or date and would only start when they were at least seventeen years old. Both parties had witnessed their friends' relationships go sour, and were never able to obtain their original friendships after that, but as they're friendship grew stronger, so did their true feelings for one another.
One night, Sandra broke down on a phone call to Arnold. She revealed her one and only secret that might ruin her forever. She told herself that if she ever opened up to anybody about this, she would forever be vulnerable to them, and at that time, Arnold seemed like the perfect person to tell her secret to, appear vulnerable towards. "My mother has lymphoma cancer. She is at her fourth stage, the last stage. She is very weak and is only getting weaker by the days. My parents are out of employment as my father has to stay home with my mother twenty-four seven. He monitors her and takes very good care of her. She just recently started coughing up blood and is bed-ridden. I'm terrified. I don't know what to do Arnold. She's my mom", Sandra said with choked sobs and tears streaming down her face. Arnold was silent for about a minute or two on the receiving end. When Sandra was about to speak again after recollecting herself, she heard three softly whispered words in her ear. "I love you". She wasn't sure she had heard him right but before she could say anything... "I love you. I love you as more than a friend. I want to be there with you. I want to hold you right now and it's killing me that I am not there with you. I am so sorry that you have to go through this alone. I want to share the pain with you, you don't deserve to have so much weight on your shoulders. My darling Sandra, even if you can't accept me as more than a friend, even if you want to stick to our agreement on not getting involved until we're seventeen, I can't help my feelings for you. I love you".
Arnold had sounded out of breath. Like there was difficulty in choking out the words he had kept in his heart for so long. That night, Sandra ended the call with one simple sentence. "I love you too my dearest Arnold". After that night, Arnold and Sandra had a bond that was untouchable by any being. They started acting as more than friends, each movement careful and sweet at the same time. It was as if they were joined together by an invisible force of nature. They were not like the other couples that displayed their affections in an overly public manner. All they did was talk more, whispered words of encouragement and endearment to one another and held each others' hand when needed. They leaned on each other for everything... until the day Arnold told her he was moving away.
She felt betrayed, but she'd soon find out what true betrayal really is. He was leaving to further his studies in Canada. She quietly hated him for it but she knew it was not his fault. His mother had been planning this for him since Primary. Now that he was fifteen, he had to go. Their time together was growing shorter by the day. They spent every waking minute together but Sandra had already started putting distance between them. She told herself she had to if she wanted to make it through this heartbreak alive. He knew her intentions, but he wouldn't let her get away that easily. He showered her with memories of their time spent together. Some of the most memorable moments they had experienced as a couple, as friends, as best friends. He wouldn't let her forget it and deep down inside, she didn't want to forget it either. There was a place in her heart for Arnold now. Even if he left, she would keep him in her heart forever.
The day he left was the day Sandra's nightmares started going out of control.There were nightmares where he rejected her repeatedly and ones where he just left her stranded, deserted and alone. But every night, Arnold would call and so her nightmares were just that; nightmares. Two months after he had left, she broke off all communication with him. She explained on the phone one night that her mother's condition was getting worse and she needed time alone. She really needed some time alone, away from his voice. In her mind, she wanted to break things off with him but could never bring herself to do it.
The night of her worst nightmare was when everything started going south. The thought of Arnold holding another girl in his arms disgusted Sandra. The following night, Sandra made a long distance phone call. Arnold answered after the second ring with a simple 'hello'. She wanted to reassure herself once again that her boyfriend, her best friend was the most amazing boy she'd ever met. When she went on to describe her day, Arnold cut her off mid-sentence. "I'm so sorry, but I can't do this anymore. I found someone else Sandra. There is no excuse for what I've done". He went on to explain who she was and how they had met. She did not want to hear anymore but couldn't bring herself to hang up. Some part of her needed to hear it. When she finally did hang up, the sentence that haunted her the most was "I only did it to get over you, and I need you to get over me too".
"No! No! No!", Sandra thought to herself. She felt truly and utterly betrayed. Her best friend. Her first boyfriend. Her first love. And now, her first heartbreak. Her heart literally hurt. She cried and cried. Nothing could stop her stubborn tears from streaming down her face. Her throat was tight. Her face was red and puffy. Her hair was a mess. Her eyes were swollen. She was sweating non-stop. She cried until the sun came out the next morning. She went on with her daily routine with a fake smile and a brave facade. She was like a zombie and it did not go unnoticed by her friends, but whenever they pushed her for the truth, she just said "I'm fine".
Arnold came back to Malaysia a year later, broken up with his girlfriend. Sandra was secretly happy things didn't work out for them. Sandra told herself that she would never be rid of her feelings for Arnold.
Arnold came back to Malaysia for one reason, and one reason only. Sandra. Sandra's mother's time had come. Sandra knew he was coming. She was unsure of her feelings. On one hand, she was upset, on the other, she was really excited to be seeing him again. She had been coping so well with her mother's death. Taking care of her father and little sister was not an easy task. She wanted so badly for someone to lean on. Not just anybody. She wanted Arnold, and he was coming. For her.
Sandra's reaction towards Arnold was uncanny. It was unexpected. She was in her room, thinking of the past few days, everything that had happened. She had not yet shed a tear over her mom's passing and she had no idea why. Every relative she could think of was downstairs, paying their respects and she couldn't bring herself to face them. There was a knock at the door. Sandra was really not in in the mood to see anybody at that time but something told her she had to open it. There stood Arnold. She didn't even think when she ran straight into his arms. She lost all anger towards him. She did not care that he cheated on her. She was truly happy to have him just hold her. He closed the door behind him and Sandra started to cry. Her first tear touched Arnold's cheek. "Please believe me, I never meant to hurt you," he cried.
Sandra was a fourteen-year-old girl. Having inherited her mother's beauty and sense of humour, along with her father's hypnotizing smile and brains, she was a girl many would call 'perfect', 'one in a million'. When people looked at Sandra, their first thought was "Here is another pretty, naive little girl that has yet to experience how tough life can really be". Most people never thought much of her, except the boys who were always captivated by her beauty and unique personality. No one knew just how mature this young girl really was. Without anybody's knowledge, not even her closest friends', she kept a painful secret that forced her to lie about her happiness, her true feelings that she kept hidden deep inside her heart. That all changed when she met Arnold. A charming young boy who wasn't conventionally good-looking, but handsome in his own way. He had dark, average length hair,tan skin and a smile that was to die for. Besides all that, he was very sociable among his circle of friends. Some might have sworn he knew the entire school. He was the star soccer player after all.
Sandra and Arnold had very little in common, but when they finally crossed paths at a mutual friend's Chinese New Year open house party, there was an undeniable attraction between the two fourteen-year-olds. When they were first introduced to each other, Arnold seemed like the only one that had noticed the black-brown-haired beauty standing in front of him. Sandra had paid very little attention to him because she didn't really like big events of this sort. They just made her feel downright uncomfortable. Later that night, they bumped into each other again and decided to join a game of cards that was going on in one of the rooms of the enormous bungalow house their friend owned. During a game of blackjack, Arnold began to tease Sandra, and that caused her to respond in defense. When they caught each other's eye, the gleam of amusement in the other's eye did not go unnoticed by the two, and a blush spread from Sandra's neck to her cheeks. As the night went on, Arnold finally built up the courage to ask for Sandra's number. She was reluctant at first, but the easy-going atmosphere in the room made her comfortable enough to agree to his request.
Sandra and Arnold's friendship was easy-going. They texted each other frequently and on occasion, Arnold would call to ask Sandra how her day was. They went to the same school unknowingly, and when school re-opened they were shocked, but overjoyed, to see one another. They enjoyed each other's company very much. Soon, Sandra felt like she could tell Arnold anything and everything. The reason this was, was because he seemed genuinely concerned about her well-being. Everyone could tell he cared for her deeply and would be willing to do anything for her. That was unusual for a boy like Arnold. Sandra felt the same way about him. There was a vulnerability when it came to their friendship. They both felt it. Being as young as they were, they had once mentioned to each other that they were too young to get involved or date and would only start when they were at least seventeen years old. Both parties had witnessed their friends' relationships go sour, and were never able to obtain their original friendships after that, but as they're friendship grew stronger, so did their true feelings for one another.
One night, Sandra broke down on a phone call to Arnold. She revealed her one and only secret that might ruin her forever. She told herself that if she ever opened up to anybody about this, she would forever be vulnerable to them, and at that time, Arnold seemed like the perfect person to tell her secret to, appear vulnerable towards. "My mother has lymphoma cancer. She is at her fourth stage, the last stage. She is very weak and is only getting weaker by the days. My parents are out of employment as my father has to stay home with my mother twenty-four seven. He monitors her and takes very good care of her. She just recently started coughing up blood and is bed-ridden. I'm terrified. I don't know what to do Arnold. She's my mom", Sandra said with choked sobs and tears streaming down her face. Arnold was silent for about a minute or two on the receiving end. When Sandra was about to speak again after recollecting herself, she heard three softly whispered words in her ear. "I love you". She wasn't sure she had heard him right but before she could say anything... "I love you. I love you as more than a friend. I want to be there with you. I want to hold you right now and it's killing me that I am not there with you. I am so sorry that you have to go through this alone. I want to share the pain with you, you don't deserve to have so much weight on your shoulders. My darling Sandra, even if you can't accept me as more than a friend, even if you want to stick to our agreement on not getting involved until we're seventeen, I can't help my feelings for you. I love you".
Arnold had sounded out of breath. Like there was difficulty in choking out the words he had kept in his heart for so long. That night, Sandra ended the call with one simple sentence. "I love you too my dearest Arnold". After that night, Arnold and Sandra had a bond that was untouchable by any being. They started acting as more than friends, each movement careful and sweet at the same time. It was as if they were joined together by an invisible force of nature. They were not like the other couples that displayed their affections in an overly public manner. All they did was talk more, whispered words of encouragement and endearment to one another and held each others' hand when needed. They leaned on each other for everything... until the day Arnold told her he was moving away.
She felt betrayed, but she'd soon find out what true betrayal really is. He was leaving to further his studies in Canada. She quietly hated him for it but she knew it was not his fault. His mother had been planning this for him since Primary. Now that he was fifteen, he had to go. Their time together was growing shorter by the day. They spent every waking minute together but Sandra had already started putting distance between them. She told herself she had to if she wanted to make it through this heartbreak alive. He knew her intentions, but he wouldn't let her get away that easily. He showered her with memories of their time spent together. Some of the most memorable moments they had experienced as a couple, as friends, as best friends. He wouldn't let her forget it and deep down inside, she didn't want to forget it either. There was a place in her heart for Arnold now. Even if he left, she would keep him in her heart forever.
The day he left was the day Sandra's nightmares started going out of control.There were nightmares where he rejected her repeatedly and ones where he just left her stranded, deserted and alone. But every night, Arnold would call and so her nightmares were just that; nightmares. Two months after he had left, she broke off all communication with him. She explained on the phone one night that her mother's condition was getting worse and she needed time alone. She really needed some time alone, away from his voice. In her mind, she wanted to break things off with him but could never bring herself to do it.
The night of her worst nightmare was when everything started going south. The thought of Arnold holding another girl in his arms disgusted Sandra. The following night, Sandra made a long distance phone call. Arnold answered after the second ring with a simple 'hello'. She wanted to reassure herself once again that her boyfriend, her best friend was the most amazing boy she'd ever met. When she went on to describe her day, Arnold cut her off mid-sentence. "I'm so sorry, but I can't do this anymore. I found someone else Sandra. There is no excuse for what I've done". He went on to explain who she was and how they had met. She did not want to hear anymore but couldn't bring herself to hang up. Some part of her needed to hear it. When she finally did hang up, the sentence that haunted her the most was "I only did it to get over you, and I need you to get over me too".
"No! No! No!", Sandra thought to herself. She felt truly and utterly betrayed. Her best friend. Her first boyfriend. Her first love. And now, her first heartbreak. Her heart literally hurt. She cried and cried. Nothing could stop her stubborn tears from streaming down her face. Her throat was tight. Her face was red and puffy. Her hair was a mess. Her eyes were swollen. She was sweating non-stop. She cried until the sun came out the next morning. She went on with her daily routine with a fake smile and a brave facade. She was like a zombie and it did not go unnoticed by her friends, but whenever they pushed her for the truth, she just said "I'm fine".
Arnold came back to Malaysia a year later, broken up with his girlfriend. Sandra was secretly happy things didn't work out for them. Sandra told herself that she would never be rid of her feelings for Arnold.
Arnold came back to Malaysia for one reason, and one reason only. Sandra. Sandra's mother's time had come. Sandra knew he was coming. She was unsure of her feelings. On one hand, she was upset, on the other, she was really excited to be seeing him again. She had been coping so well with her mother's death. Taking care of her father and little sister was not an easy task. She wanted so badly for someone to lean on. Not just anybody. She wanted Arnold, and he was coming. For her. Sandra's reaction towards Arnold was uncanny. It was unexpected. She was in her room, thinking of the past few days, everything that had happened. She had not yet shed a tear over her mom's passing and she had no idea why. Every relative she could think of was downstairs, paying their respects and she couldn't bring herself to face them. There was a knock at the door. Sandra was really not in in the mood to see anybody at that time but something told her she had to open it. There stood Arnold. She didn't even think when she ran straight into his arms. She lost all anger towards him. She did not care that he cheated on her. She was truly happy to have him just hold her. He closed the door behind him and Sandra started to cry. Her first tear touched Arnold's cheek. "Please believe me, I never meant to hurt you," he cried.
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Words from the Publisher
Hey:) I know most of you are familiar with the writings of AW by now. This mysterious and fairly talented writer is a good friend of mine and I hope you've enjoyed her short stories. I'm hoping to convince her to write a storybook one day. Good idea, don't you think? I love AW. AW is like a sibling to me. We share everything with each other. At least that's what I'd like to think. Haha.
Aw encourages me to write my own material and I go for it. I know I may not be as good a writer as AW but I'll give it a shot. Our stories and the way of telling our stories are very different. The one similarity we have is that we write either from experience or feeling. Even if our stories are a mix of fiction and facts, we believe that a good story should be shared with as many people as possible. AW just chooses to be, well, anonymous...
On a personal note, I write only when I feel like it. Even if it seems insignificant and small to some, well, it will always hold some significance to me. The story that I'm about to publish in the coming week is without a doubt a personal one. It's not very well written, the language used is simple, but I'd like to think that you're able to relate to the characters like I know you do with the characters in AW's stories.
Even though I've said that the story is based on a true experience, please don't take too much of it to heart. It happened a long time ago. Everything is fine now. There will always be unresolved, unanswered questions in my mind I can't do anything about. But that's just something I've learned to live with. The story is told based on my side of the experience. Who knows what the other party experienced in the midst of my pain and confusion? I know for a fact that both parties suffered in their own ways. No party was innocent and was left unscarred. Believe me.
Maybe one day he and she will come clean. And I can tell the story the way it really happened. Down to every minor detail. Until I get a hold of the original story, I think I'll leave you with this.
They were too innocent to understand what they were feeling. Too young to have ever known love from someone besides their family and friends. It was no longer a platonic relationship. It was more than that. Every exchanged glance started a fire in both their hearts. They could never look away. ***He was like a beautiful miracle in her eyes. Who could create someone so magnificent? Someone that made her feel like she was invincible.*** He knew he was naive and immature. He knew he couldn't handle such a relationship, with such an amazing girl. She was like no other. This was no minor crush. But this also can't be love. "I don't know what love feels like..." How did a simple exchange of words come to this. A craving for someones presence you just can't let go of. A kilometer of a distance was already too much to bare. How could she let him go? But she did. He's gone. He's gone. He's gone. How could he leave her? But he did. And he never looked back.
Aw encourages me to write my own material and I go for it. I know I may not be as good a writer as AW but I'll give it a shot. Our stories and the way of telling our stories are very different. The one similarity we have is that we write either from experience or feeling. Even if our stories are a mix of fiction and facts, we believe that a good story should be shared with as many people as possible. AW just chooses to be, well, anonymous...
On a personal note, I write only when I feel like it. Even if it seems insignificant and small to some, well, it will always hold some significance to me. The story that I'm about to publish in the coming week is without a doubt a personal one. It's not very well written, the language used is simple, but I'd like to think that you're able to relate to the characters like I know you do with the characters in AW's stories.
Even though I've said that the story is based on a true experience, please don't take too much of it to heart. It happened a long time ago. Everything is fine now. There will always be unresolved, unanswered questions in my mind I can't do anything about. But that's just something I've learned to live with. The story is told based on my side of the experience. Who knows what the other party experienced in the midst of my pain and confusion? I know for a fact that both parties suffered in their own ways. No party was innocent and was left unscarred. Believe me.
Maybe one day he and she will come clean. And I can tell the story the way it really happened. Down to every minor detail. Until I get a hold of the original story, I think I'll leave you with this.
They were too innocent to understand what they were feeling. Too young to have ever known love from someone besides their family and friends. It was no longer a platonic relationship. It was more than that. Every exchanged glance started a fire in both their hearts. They could never look away. ***He was like a beautiful miracle in her eyes. Who could create someone so magnificent? Someone that made her feel like she was invincible.*** He knew he was naive and immature. He knew he couldn't handle such a relationship, with such an amazing girl. She was like no other. This was no minor crush. But this also can't be love. "I don't know what love feels like..." How did a simple exchange of words come to this. A craving for someones presence you just can't let go of. A kilometer of a distance was already too much to bare. How could she let him go? But she did. He's gone. He's gone. He's gone. How could he leave her? But he did. And he never looked back.
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