Silence

My own silence is killing me. Why did I choose not to speak? He spoke. After the storm... he spoke. But the words he used weren't pleasant again. I spoke then. After a few words, I decided against it. At that time, I told myself there wasn't a reason for me to speak. There still isn't.

It's silent where I am. The storm outside is loud. Was loud, but now it's subsiding to suit exactly how I feel. I thought I was done with these feelings. Apparently, I'm not. I laughed today. I cried yesterday. Will I manage a smile tomorrow?

My smile is not genuine, for now. I'm sorry if I've been fooling any of you. I'm telling you the truth now. I am not happy. I was caught for my changed behavior today. "You're not the girl you once were last year..." What's that supposed to mean? I guess it means that I have not been myself.

The aftermath of a storm is supposed to be calming. This time yesterday, I wasn't ready for the storm that was about to hit me. And right now, I'm in the aftermath of it all. Never had silence drawn out this long. You want what I have? Take it. It's not that I don't love my life and appreciate all I have, it's just that sometimes it's not worth the basic love I want to experience.

My own silence is killing me, can you hear me cry now? No? That's cause I only cry on the inside now. Wouldn't want to start up another storm. The rain I see through my window is enough for me.

He is my father.

Can you hear me, mom? I need you. Mend my heart and hold my hand. Tell me everything will be alright....