My walls

When I said I wanted to be cool, act cool, not reveal anything, I didn't mean to build my walls up this strong. Because they are strong. Stronger than ever. Don't you see? I can't open up about almost anything anymore. I succeeded in ignoring things my mind thinks aren't good for me. I definitely did not let my heart lead. Maybe I should have.

I'm sorry. Why do I keep apologizing? Everything I do can't be a mistake, can it? So what if I thought things through this time? Isn't that a good thing? I think it was a safe choice for me. I want to be safe. Want to know where I feel safe? In the embrace of my family members and friends I've known for a long time now and can trust. I definitely don't trust easily now either.

My walls are up. I think they've always been up. Just that now, they're stronger. You can't see it, but if you try to get close to me, you will feel it. You have to work extra hard to get pass those walls if you really want to get to know me. I'm a difficult girl, aren't I? I guess that's just how I was raised. I'd like to believe I was raised right though. With my moral codes and everything... I can't be easily persuaded;)

I want to find love. I'm not running from it. I don't want to hide behind a wall either. This wall was built because I've been through so much hurt in the past. I will try my best to be vulnerable when I need to be, but it will be a challenge. "My walls are up" is what I use to describe my so called love life when I try explaining myself to my friends. They understand me, and for that, I am truly grateful.

So, tear my walls down. But only if you're 100% certain you want to see what's behind those walls.


You know what I mean, don't you mum?