Them boys

I really know how to pick em' don't I? Time for another episode of "Here we go again" You think I have good taste? Haha! I laugh at your bad judgement. You think I have bad taste? Hmmm... I think I agree with you. Let's see what I've learnt over the past week, shall we?

I was numb. Whether it was from all the work and responsibilities on my shoulder or the realization that my fantasies were just that, fantasies. I felt numb, all week. My mind really isn't being kind to me. 

Imagine looking at that picture and knowing the girl isn't you. She never seems to be you.

"Focus on your work. Work... work... more work..." This can't be it! It really shouldn't be it... 

My head is spinning. I'm not thinking clearly when I go through extra measures to get the information I want. And when I get it, I just wish I could give it back. I don't agree with "Better to have loved than to have never loved at all" Why? It's not better, but it's not preventable either. I tried. Again and again. I truly did. 

New boy has his own life. He doesn't need me in it. He never needed me. He was just too kind to say so. I made up a life with him in my mind. I seem to do that a lot. Not with just anyone. Just some of them boys that get to me. This boy got a little bit of my heart with his charm and gentleness. But he never liked me. Never will. 

Old boy hasn't figured what he wants to do with his life. But trying out different girls opportunities at every turn isn't the answer either. Or hasn't he figured that out yet? I haven't talked to him in over a year but it's good to know that I may have been the only girl his family approved of. It was never meant to be, obviously. But he liked me. I know he did. 

Now I see them both as this. I don't want to. But sometimes, I can't control myself either. The same way the both of you can't from life's temptations. 

Them boys get to me. They're not the only people/things that get to me. But they made me numb this week. Now, I just don't want to feel anymore. I didn't feel anything all week, telling myself I was on borrowed time from all the lack of sleep, so I'll have no problem not feeling anything for a while.

Do not, I repeat, DO NOT rescue me. Leave me alone for once, will you?