Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Amazing

My mother had a beautiful voice. She was the reason I wanted to learn how to sing, not knowing I started singing since I was 3. I got frustrated when I couldn't reach all the high notes she was reaching, but she never asked me to stop singing. Now, I only want to sing for her. She gave me a part of her, and this is just one of the many things she's given me. I will never stop singing, I will never forget her voice. I don't have to be excellent, I just have to sing out of love. This gift I've been given by God and my mother, I will cherish.



It doesn't matter what she looked like after the cancer got to her, I looked and her and saw my mother. My beautiful mother. Now, I look at her pictures and remember nothing but beauty. I miss her, but I will smile, because she told me to. When the cancer forbade her to smile, I'd smile on her behalf. I can promise you this though, when she could smile, it was the brightest and most genuine smile in the world. To me, at least.

Family. My mother treasured family the most. It doesn't matter that my sister and I share different fathers, we share the same mother. Her heart is beautiful, always loving the 2 of us unconditionally. She always told me, "The love you don't feel from your father, I will love you enough for the both of us." She knew me inside and out. I couldn't hide anything from her. She even knew who my boyfriend was in Form 2 before I even told her. We even had the same taste in clothes.
My beautiful sister takes after my mother in many ways. She will love you unconditionally. Her heart is as pure as gold. When I was younger and fell sick, my mother would stop at nothing to see me well again. Now that I'm older, I want to do the same for my sister. But instead, she takes care of me whenever I'm sick. Tucking me into bed, checking my temperature, keeping me warm with blankets. I really couldn't ask for anything more.








A loving wife she was. She saw the beauty in everyone around her. My own father may have taken her for granted, but she never left his side. She forgave him for the past and so have I. I'm still learning from her, even now. My father now never left her side. She loved him and he loved her. It was beautiful to watch. I thank God for him in our lives. As long as he loved her, it was enough for me. No matter how much his words may have hurt me sometimes, I would've never run away knowing this was the family I was running away from. So, I never was that teenager, I stuck around. And I'm glad I did. I hope I find a man that loves me like my father loved my mother one day. Whatever happens, I know my mother will never let me marry the wrong man. She will be watching over me as usual.


Family and friends say we look alike. I pray to God that's true. Nothing will make me happier than knowing so. She's the most beautiful woman I know.  Even a little resemblance will make my day. Strangers that passed us said that my sister looked like my father, while I looked like my mother. Of course these strangers don't know about the 2-father situation, but I always took it as a huge compliment. I'm my mother's daughter. Nothing else.


I miss my mother, it's as simple as that. People often ask me how I live without a mother at this age. Well, I'll tell you my secret. I live with her in my heart. I talk to her when no one's looking, the same way I talk to God. I constantly picture her in my mind, knowing she's watching over me, because that's what she told me. Her beauty lives on in all of our hearts. Even those who didn't know her. I will tell her story to everyone I know, promise. Nothing is more magical and heartbreaking at the same time. She was my mother. She is my mother. The only mother I will ever have, and I'm forever grateful:)
I love you, mommy:) I see you in my dreams and I wake up feeling like those hugs were real. Hug me again, hold me again. Please...

2 comments:

  1. This is such a poignant article. Made me shed a tear or two. Sam, we love you too and you much remember that.

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  2. Thanks Aunty Jackie. I'll remember that:)

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